cracks-- in the sidewalk system of fault
who's to blame for the catapault
ping pong process
systems labyrinth
busy and dizzy,
renders you on yr knees
eyes open asking, help please
the powdered eggs make me queezy
but easy now, easy come easy go
straighten up, sign here
here's yr #, you can't dissapear
record wrote, make mental notes cuz
you won't know what you don't know
until what you need to know
is too late
5:10pm, no one there then
until 9:10 next morning when
it could be
too late
if, by then you left the gates
you ate ---- to find a fix
tricks to get high, (but-now)
troubled from tricks,
you blew some steam
from the hot gleaming gut
and it sat in a rut
afer falling through
the cracks
in the sidewalk
Monday, October 5, 2009
Fall Poems/1
hips sway, hips sway
long locks lunge back and forth
we come from the ground
we go back
rocking kicking and cooling
dreams, hurts and day to day
nerves and noise
getting louder and louder
marches of womyn
gain glory as each reclaims-self
it steps like this:
feel the beat, break the street
unzipper the fat, let it bulge and sweat out
i picture you,
dark and bright
humble and strong as earth
constant and constantly changing
without consequence
following day stride
riding the arc of sunset
pulling waves like moonlight
you reclaim yourself in the moment
of the this movement
long locks lunge back and forth
we come from the ground
we go back
rocking kicking and cooling
dreams, hurts and day to day
nerves and noise
getting louder and louder
marches of womyn
gain glory as each reclaims-self
it steps like this:
feel the beat, break the street
unzipper the fat, let it bulge and sweat out
i picture you,
dark and bright
humble and strong as earth
constant and constantly changing
without consequence
following day stride
riding the arc of sunset
pulling waves like moonlight
you reclaim yourself in the moment
of the this movement
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Write to live, Live to be free, Write to be free
i second "writing is life"
life giving for mind-breathing,
giving the capacity to respire
to recreate, to relate, to corroborate
and put all the feet, fate, sleet, slate into
perspective
open the windows for fresh air
let the breath up from the platinum gut
bend branches, blow bubbles of thoughts
to fumble and float down with the likes of Dylan
(Lorde, Blake, Rumi, and Whitman)
"writing is life"
editing, scratching, dropping and picking back up
a relationship, neglecting, apologizing, growing up about guilt
maturing and understanding that without words
life is unheard of
deaf, a sense dead
"writing is life"
because
it "is a secret medicine
given to those who hurt so hard they can't hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew".*
"writing is life", writing wills to
Break from dishonesty, live responsibly
open the book, step and continue
writing which works along a continuum
open the book, step and continue
living which works along a continuum
Work, because it is
daily input, like push ups, strength training
mind preparing, body releasing
organ and will power engaging
Write for you
Write to muck
Write to heal
Write, write, write
"writing is life"
writing as right to express
carry out constitutional democracy
Dig up old words, slam concrete ideas
let the broken fragments be unearthed bones
To which one day, look and make live
Resurrection is recreation
Life recreates in split second eye blinks
In seeds carried by birds beaks
in sand spread from shore to mouths that speak:
Writing is life, writing is life, writing as life
As gonging mantras for being
Om gratitude
in the writing lotus:
hearts knell
arms kneel, hands pray
with pen and time and space of day
Carving, puncturing
the once impregnable surface of doubt
With hope, with word
Write to live, live to be free
Write to be free
Writing is life
*by Rumi "My Worst Habit"
life giving for mind-breathing,
giving the capacity to respire
to recreate, to relate, to corroborate
and put all the feet, fate, sleet, slate into
perspective
open the windows for fresh air
let the breath up from the platinum gut
bend branches, blow bubbles of thoughts
to fumble and float down with the likes of Dylan
(Lorde, Blake, Rumi, and Whitman)
"writing is life"
editing, scratching, dropping and picking back up
a relationship, neglecting, apologizing, growing up about guilt
maturing and understanding that without words
life is unheard of
deaf, a sense dead
"writing is life"
because
it "is a secret medicine
given to those who hurt so hard they can't hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew".*
"writing is life", writing wills to
Break from dishonesty, live responsibly
open the book, step and continue
writing which works along a continuum
open the book, step and continue
living which works along a continuum
Work, because it is
daily input, like push ups, strength training
mind preparing, body releasing
organ and will power engaging
Write for you
Write to muck
Write to heal
Write, write, write
"writing is life"
writing as right to express
carry out constitutional democracy
Dig up old words, slam concrete ideas
let the broken fragments be unearthed bones
To which one day, look and make live
Resurrection is recreation
Life recreates in split second eye blinks
In seeds carried by birds beaks
in sand spread from shore to mouths that speak:
Writing is life, writing is life, writing as life
As gonging mantras for being
Om gratitude
in the writing lotus:
hearts knell
arms kneel, hands pray
with pen and time and space of day
Carving, puncturing
the once impregnable surface of doubt
With hope, with word
Write to live, live to be free
Write to be free
Writing is life
*by Rumi "My Worst Habit"
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Life writings/
you gotta know the strings
tp pull your life together
look down at your feet and see if you need shoes and laces too,
to string em
so you can be strong in your step
which is yours, your own
footprints on cracked n split sidewalks
dont chalk cover it with your open mouth blindness falling out
it wont do nothing but trip you
yeah it takes falling down to learn your strength
some could argue
but why fall down when you can be aware
of the sounds of the street
the faces the people that you meet and be safe secure, and still sweet
dont miss a beat
be true and keep to the shade
in times of heat
too much too little? thats why balance is such a riddle
keep your mind your hands and your pace like a girl's got her base
like a bow's got a fiddle
to faddle and paddle up stream with
keep playing and keep praying
just
know where you are swaying and know protection is not laying
down in front of a car
mar-tyr
if you are,
you might not be for long, to see
the effects if you live positively
open, but wise, aware and unafraid
to ties those shoes
those shoe laces
so you can be keepin up the paces
over all the spaces you place
yourself
tp pull your life together
look down at your feet and see if you need shoes and laces too,
to string em
so you can be strong in your step
which is yours, your own
footprints on cracked n split sidewalks
dont chalk cover it with your open mouth blindness falling out
it wont do nothing but trip you
yeah it takes falling down to learn your strength
some could argue
but why fall down when you can be aware
of the sounds of the street
the faces the people that you meet and be safe secure, and still sweet
dont miss a beat
be true and keep to the shade
in times of heat
too much too little? thats why balance is such a riddle
keep your mind your hands and your pace like a girl's got her base
like a bow's got a fiddle
to faddle and paddle up stream with
keep playing and keep praying
just
know where you are swaying and know protection is not laying
down in front of a car
mar-tyr
if you are,
you might not be for long, to see
the effects if you live positively
open, but wise, aware and unafraid
to ties those shoes
those shoe laces
so you can be keepin up the paces
over all the spaces you place
yourself
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Findings
Sitting in apartment, cleaning room, preparing for school to start. Found the following, wanted to post, nothing to boast 'bout but, here it is-- give me a shout (something you've been styling).
Scraps of Poetry from Madrid
Prepare for rain to
stain yr heart
with fresh cool
natural drool
down the fabrique fringe
from the spool
across seams
until it seems
yr cloth can
hold
no
more
----
i dont believe
words spoken and not
how they tear our ropes into
impregnable knots
rope burns
time yearns
to soothe and heal
skin keps
peeling
mind-brain-gum
realing like
rope thats
tangled from the
heart thats said:
nope
Scraps of Poetry from Madrid
Prepare for rain to
stain yr heart
with fresh cool
natural drool
down the fabrique fringe
from the spool
across seams
until it seems
yr cloth can
hold
no
more
----
i dont believe
words spoken and not
how they tear our ropes into
impregnable knots
rope burns
time yearns
to soothe and heal
skin keps
peeling
mind-brain-gum
realing like
rope thats
tangled from the
heart thats said:
nope
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Book Notes/2
With the left hand, I touch my hair above my ear. I hear the watch on an unchained left wrist. I vow to be responsible for the audacity of truth which respires involuntarily.
Reading a collection of books:
King Leopold's Ghost
In The Hot Zone
Writings For A Democratic Society
(and later, The Looming Tower: Al Qaeda And the Road to 9/11)
Recently finished and recommend:
The White Tiger
My Guantanamo Diary: Stories The Detainees Told Me
Conversations With Saul Alinsky
Quotable quotes:
When I once wrote endlessly about the Vietnamese, I was now witnessing the suffering and struggles of Iraq. It seems like a circle ever enlarging, but returning always to its own beginnings. - Tom Hayden (Writings For... p15)
"When you get here, you'll be told we Indians invented everything from the Internet to hard-boiled eggs to spaceships before the British stole it all from us. Nonsense. The greatest thing to come out of this country in the ten thousand years of its history is the Rooster Coop. Go to Old Delhi, behind the Jama Masjid, and look at the way they keep chickens there in the market. Hundreds of pale hens and brightly covered roosters, stuffed tightly into wire-mesh cages, packed as tightly as worms in a belly, pecking each other and shitting on each other, jostling just for breathing space; the whole cage giving off a horrible stench-- the stench of terrified, feathered flesh. On the wooden desk above the coop sits a grinning young butcher, showing off the flesh and organs of a recently chopped-up chicken, still oleanginous with a coating of dark blood. They see the organs of their brothers lying around them. They know they're next. Yet they do not rebel. They do not try to get out of the coop.
The very same thing is done with human beings in this country." Aravind Adiga (The White Tiger... p148)
So called power institutions get away with a lot because they’re not challenged. You see, power is not just what the status quo has; it is more in what we may think it has. It may have ten soldiers but if we think a thousand soldiers, then for all practical purposes the status quo has a thousand soldiers. Rarely do they have the power we think they have and it’s amazing what happens when you just suddenly stand up and say, “Who do you think you are?” Saul Alinsky (Conversations... p57)
Reading a collection of books:
King Leopold's Ghost
In The Hot Zone
Writings For A Democratic Society
(and later, The Looming Tower: Al Qaeda And the Road to 9/11)
Recently finished and recommend:
The White Tiger
My Guantanamo Diary: Stories The Detainees Told Me
Conversations With Saul Alinsky
Quotable quotes:
When I once wrote endlessly about the Vietnamese, I was now witnessing the suffering and struggles of Iraq. It seems like a circle ever enlarging, but returning always to its own beginnings. - Tom Hayden (Writings For... p15)
"When you get here, you'll be told we Indians invented everything from the Internet to hard-boiled eggs to spaceships before the British stole it all from us. Nonsense. The greatest thing to come out of this country in the ten thousand years of its history is the Rooster Coop. Go to Old Delhi, behind the Jama Masjid, and look at the way they keep chickens there in the market. Hundreds of pale hens and brightly covered roosters, stuffed tightly into wire-mesh cages, packed as tightly as worms in a belly, pecking each other and shitting on each other, jostling just for breathing space; the whole cage giving off a horrible stench-- the stench of terrified, feathered flesh. On the wooden desk above the coop sits a grinning young butcher, showing off the flesh and organs of a recently chopped-up chicken, still oleanginous with a coating of dark blood. They see the organs of their brothers lying around them. They know they're next. Yet they do not rebel. They do not try to get out of the coop.
The very same thing is done with human beings in this country." Aravind Adiga (The White Tiger... p148)
So called power institutions get away with a lot because they’re not challenged. You see, power is not just what the status quo has; it is more in what we may think it has. It may have ten soldiers but if we think a thousand soldiers, then for all practical purposes the status quo has a thousand soldiers. Rarely do they have the power we think they have and it’s amazing what happens when you just suddenly stand up and say, “Who do you think you are?” Saul Alinsky (Conversations... p57)
Friday, July 10, 2009
Ocean (rough draft)
Ocean
i feel it like
i am 12, a growing girl
plunging mouth nostrils eyes lungs
open
into the ocean
vrooshh
pushed back by salty volume
strength tested, it had to be summoned
blinking to make sense and to shake off feelings:
i am surrounded engulfed swallowed
and
surfaced
standing if i am able and
not sinking
just thinking
ocean mighty roll
ancient force i extol
as fellow life, as living
as giving me strength
to: face to face nature
together
a nature that rips flesh
that burns skins and pillages, commits sacrilege
fidgeting into textbook chapters with images
reading typed print had the ability to not phase you more than reading comic strips
whatever the rage, all the news fits on the page,
wherever was deconstructed and whenever reconstructed
and whoever price and families have the dice
roled for them, by hands they do not see
for family life together comes at a high price of resistance to joining military violent assistance
enlist and enact yr right as Man as Soldier as Power as Doer as Fighter as Hero as Proud
over seas to Iraq or Rwanda to cure hate and disease
bring mosquito nets in Boeing planes please
bring monsanto seeds, to plant according to neoliberals' needs
kill the womyn in burqas, suspicious, for praying on beads
the peace corps kids kicked out but not yet shipped out
laying in front of bulldozers
taking photos until shes pulled over
by U.S. backed coup, can you
NAME all the countries the U.S. has smacked, attacked, shut down and chewed up
threw up
land, heart, farmers hand, business stand, locally owned, state operated
los niños plans for school and art and Managua didn't fart in '79 it
passed gas and revolutionary atmosphere overturned oppression at last
until the U.S. said: we must blast this communist regime
Done behind closed doors with tables of water from ravines of..., with hands holding mugs of coffee from bean trees, picked by... Communists ?,
de repente! (now, suddenly) we must make lists of the resisters
oh, but then where would the coffee beans be?
and the coca cola sugar, let's see, we have to do something about this turmoil, commmunist commotion, someone call the media, we'll write on wikipedia and enter the ear canals speedy,
uh- but, i forgot about the but, butts getting bigger off money made from gun triggers
violence, voices muted by masked men who served Silence
I am asking: where is the defiance
the Non Violence
Martin, Mahatma, Mother Teresa, bring a smile, bend the arc to justice please before we look at the sun and sneeze and burn up into dust and float as friable particles
it was written: Rib to Eve and Dust to Dust
but if yr rusty shake yrself off. if your blood your not Dust yet
so tune in to the truth of the uncouth looters who took the the drink from the holy grail and called their avail goal worthy
the Rich Roly Poly and the Holy Moses Moly and bad history and bad theology and corrupt technology
from Nevada parents press a button and a bomb explodes in Iraq,
how would you look at your children picking them up from school, day after bomb after day
back to the secret meetings where the men had greetings with laughter
about vacations, resorts, pools, prices and how their roll of the dices creeped up like vices but it wasnt their family who suffered splices so, onward, forward, Glory to all the Three Hundred, drums talking and hawks bawking in the background
here behind closed door, silence on the floor, notebooks opened with U.S. emblems, In God we trust more and more, nationalism mixed with religion, sure-- just be sure to salt the rim before
imbibing
but really who is deciding?
who really needed to believe in God when thats who they were playing
but with a black magic mystic twist, like economic wizzes they wuz, wizzing a witchy buzz
mixing up tricks and fixing countries
bolting down democracy with capitalism which bought handguns to enforce solutions
shot by School of America's finest Salvadorans, Nicaraguans, on and ons
at this point we forget these hands were small, holding mothers in one bedrooms, clenching fists for food
now nourished by hate to chew on for daily bread ?!
AK 47, slam and solved
ramming structural adjustment programs
NAFTA CAFTA rain down like its natural, seasonal, praise worthy, note worthy for Sachs, Chicago School, Friedman, White man, USD man, just trying to make it man, part time job man
still, ramming structural adjustment programs
into the flesh of the lambs
so when served when sacrificed
they bled true new national colors
man, we all could taste them from
mangoes, cocoes, those coffee beans, more Chiquita bananas please!
structurally adjusted programs: increase debt via interest fees, cancel export fees, add on import fees, and signing documents that: YES, this country will cut all of its trees so the soil will spill when clouds fill with heat and the rain starts to beat
down
down
washing away town town,
peoples lives upside down
sound familiar? think Katrina. think reconstruction. think dysfunction.
its all a round about way of saying: streams of democracy do not always go because there is not always wind rain and heat to blow
people standin in the ocean to show
natural forces fierce as rashes, will destroy with all these clashes,
come together before this sphere smashers, collapses...
So when the winds down and the streams aren't rollin and the trees are holdin the ground down so the community group gathers and dialogues sustainable growth in Bois de Lance, Haiti
the streams of democracy blowing freedom and power to the individual lay to rest and are tested by a force stronger and deeper and longer
of community culture of sharing food, wisdom, heartache and raining down their own changes blowing free the sick oppression out of their lungs
stand, face the force and life rearranges
stop.
have you,
even thought through
the life your living
when you step out the door, lock it up and count the minutes left until.. arrival
you for your own survival
buying into the game
you played because you were raised to perpetuate the haze, money maze, make more USD daze
save it spend it. double it. stay out of trouble with it.
or they'll catch you with it
i still am scratchin my head, they caught Pinochet yet?
they net those 8 Russian oligarches yet?
how about Papa and Baby Doc- the Duvaliers, dead, escaped from debt...
the IMF
the WORLD BANK
cant even imagine how big them think tanks be
where, who knows until it all blows up, but until then.. shut up
world bank, think tank, hows this world spinnin its so rank it stank to high heaven
but we keep gettin leaven bread so we can survive another seven
seven days of another seven hoarding, hateful haze, chaos craze, world spittin up, chewin up, shootin up, beatin down, takin down, dismantling down
Economies
Philosophies
Priorities
Histories
Monopolies
Theologies
Aristocracies
in the name of God we trust Democracy
so, buck up, pick pluck the mop and soak up suck up all the shit thats been mucked up and raped down to raw bare minimum
zero
sum
game
who does the prize fame go to now?
the family whose got no more hope-prosperity, no land no home, all sold, with the union folded
so gone can't even catch a glimpse of the disparity?
mama's nursin, in her brothers house, sleepin in one bedroom, are we proud
enough to sing out national anthem aloud
wrap ourselves in holy shroud or
is it time to Shout
loud enough, far and strong to summon
Buddhist bells
mantras sutras Dharma gongs
a catalyst for Soul songs to the tune of soon freedom marches: injustice walks, crippling stalks, empty belly talks to the mind that unwinds it all to the heart: Act Smart. Do Your Part. Don't be dust, you must Stand for Peace and not fall to your knees.
They are ready and waiting, sipping Coca Cola and Starbucks in the closed door room, making economic movements, some key players have been: Pinochet, Chicago boys, Putin, Bushes, Duvaliers, the proud handshakes
signifying: take the Brakes Off!
Concurrently signaling on: DEREGULATION
$$ FINANCIALIZATION $$
Individual, you matter. you are free! invest in USD
sweat, toil in privately owned soil. (this is)
back breaking 21st century bondage
the market magic as a wand, over time, tick tock, look at stock
as it sits in pits of poverty
people,
going to bed hungry, dropping out of school hungry,
30,000 dying today
excuse me, what?
stop. what about all that US Aid??
the rice, peanut butter, my clothes donated to good will that ended up alongside old VCR players, tvs too
sent to... "3rd world country..." "underdeveloped nations"
because it is mainly poor, generally speaking, "CIA world fact book" wreaking
(do you ask why, how, when, where) - do you dare?
what is yr sense of Africa?
a continent robbed of riches, robbed of resources: gold, silver, diamonds, trees, people,
kingdoms, land, family hopes and plans
pushed into one bedroom, life rearranged, now, like castles in the sand
homes and hopes blown over (in God we trust, His hands?)
i clench my teeth tight and let them go with long breath
looking out on a mighty ancient beast of burden
of power and yearnin for the intensity to receive, to explore
which has evolved: to exploit to extort, rob, judge, lie, condemn and convert
and write the hurt with lies in text books brilliantly through the victors eyes
bloody beast and thanksgiving feast are not painted in the same frame
eh, but some would say it's all a game
like Life
like Monopoly
its ok to topple and force out
like out in St. Louis North City: eminent domain ain't pretty (McKee)
this robbery is rubbery slime stank and rank f you thank its gonna bob a mob of jobs
im thinking
the ocean is winking at me:
snickering slyly- "i didn't tell you so but you figured out domination would grow if you didnt know its force on you, how it would coerce you to your knees
mouth full, red eyes begging please... please
relief
and indeed
by standing you can demand Life again
i feel it like
i am 12, a growing girl
plunging mouth nostrils eyes lungs
open
into the ocean
vrooshh
pushed back by salty volume
strength tested, it had to be summoned
blinking to make sense and to shake off feelings:
i am surrounded engulfed swallowed
and
surfaced
standing if i am able and
not sinking
just thinking
ocean mighty roll
ancient force i extol
as fellow life, as living
as giving me strength
to: face to face nature
together
a nature that rips flesh
that burns skins and pillages, commits sacrilege
fidgeting into textbook chapters with images
reading typed print had the ability to not phase you more than reading comic strips
whatever the rage, all the news fits on the page,
wherever was deconstructed and whenever reconstructed
and whoever price and families have the dice
roled for them, by hands they do not see
for family life together comes at a high price of resistance to joining military violent assistance
enlist and enact yr right as Man as Soldier as Power as Doer as Fighter as Hero as Proud
over seas to Iraq or Rwanda to cure hate and disease
bring mosquito nets in Boeing planes please
bring monsanto seeds, to plant according to neoliberals' needs
kill the womyn in burqas, suspicious, for praying on beads
the peace corps kids kicked out but not yet shipped out
laying in front of bulldozers
taking photos until shes pulled over
by U.S. backed coup, can you
NAME all the countries the U.S. has smacked, attacked, shut down and chewed up
threw up
land, heart, farmers hand, business stand, locally owned, state operated
los niños plans for school and art and Managua didn't fart in '79 it
passed gas and revolutionary atmosphere overturned oppression at last
until the U.S. said: we must blast this communist regime
Done behind closed doors with tables of water from ravines of..., with hands holding mugs of coffee from bean trees, picked by... Communists ?,
de repente! (now, suddenly) we must make lists of the resisters
oh, but then where would the coffee beans be?
and the coca cola sugar, let's see, we have to do something about this turmoil, commmunist commotion, someone call the media, we'll write on wikipedia and enter the ear canals speedy,
uh- but, i forgot about the but, butts getting bigger off money made from gun triggers
violence, voices muted by masked men who served Silence
I am asking: where is the defiance
the Non Violence
Martin, Mahatma, Mother Teresa, bring a smile, bend the arc to justice please before we look at the sun and sneeze and burn up into dust and float as friable particles
it was written: Rib to Eve and Dust to Dust
but if yr rusty shake yrself off. if your blood your not Dust yet
so tune in to the truth of the uncouth looters who took the the drink from the holy grail and called their avail goal worthy
the Rich Roly Poly and the Holy Moses Moly and bad history and bad theology and corrupt technology
from Nevada parents press a button and a bomb explodes in Iraq,
how would you look at your children picking them up from school, day after bomb after day
back to the secret meetings where the men had greetings with laughter
about vacations, resorts, pools, prices and how their roll of the dices creeped up like vices but it wasnt their family who suffered splices so, onward, forward, Glory to all the Three Hundred, drums talking and hawks bawking in the background
here behind closed door, silence on the floor, notebooks opened with U.S. emblems, In God we trust more and more, nationalism mixed with religion, sure-- just be sure to salt the rim before
imbibing
but really who is deciding?
who really needed to believe in God when thats who they were playing
but with a black magic mystic twist, like economic wizzes they wuz, wizzing a witchy buzz
mixing up tricks and fixing countries
bolting down democracy with capitalism which bought handguns to enforce solutions
shot by School of America's finest Salvadorans, Nicaraguans, on and ons
at this point we forget these hands were small, holding mothers in one bedrooms, clenching fists for food
now nourished by hate to chew on for daily bread ?!
AK 47, slam and solved
ramming structural adjustment programs
NAFTA CAFTA rain down like its natural, seasonal, praise worthy, note worthy for Sachs, Chicago School, Friedman, White man, USD man, just trying to make it man, part time job man
still, ramming structural adjustment programs
into the flesh of the lambs
so when served when sacrificed
they bled true new national colors
man, we all could taste them from
mangoes, cocoes, those coffee beans, more Chiquita bananas please!
structurally adjusted programs: increase debt via interest fees, cancel export fees, add on import fees, and signing documents that: YES, this country will cut all of its trees so the soil will spill when clouds fill with heat and the rain starts to beat
down
down
washing away town town,
peoples lives upside down
sound familiar? think Katrina. think reconstruction. think dysfunction.
its all a round about way of saying: streams of democracy do not always go because there is not always wind rain and heat to blow
people standin in the ocean to show
natural forces fierce as rashes, will destroy with all these clashes,
come together before this sphere smashers, collapses...
So when the winds down and the streams aren't rollin and the trees are holdin the ground down so the community group gathers and dialogues sustainable growth in Bois de Lance, Haiti
the streams of democracy blowing freedom and power to the individual lay to rest and are tested by a force stronger and deeper and longer
of community culture of sharing food, wisdom, heartache and raining down their own changes blowing free the sick oppression out of their lungs
stand, face the force and life rearranges
stop.
have you,
even thought through
the life your living
when you step out the door, lock it up and count the minutes left until.. arrival
you for your own survival
buying into the game
you played because you were raised to perpetuate the haze, money maze, make more USD daze
save it spend it. double it. stay out of trouble with it.
or they'll catch you with it
i still am scratchin my head, they caught Pinochet yet?
they net those 8 Russian oligarches yet?
how about Papa and Baby Doc- the Duvaliers, dead, escaped from debt...
the IMF
the WORLD BANK
cant even imagine how big them think tanks be
where, who knows until it all blows up, but until then.. shut up
world bank, think tank, hows this world spinnin its so rank it stank to high heaven
but we keep gettin leaven bread so we can survive another seven
seven days of another seven hoarding, hateful haze, chaos craze, world spittin up, chewin up, shootin up, beatin down, takin down, dismantling down
Economies
Philosophies
Priorities
Histories
Monopolies
Theologies
Aristocracies
in the name of God we trust Democracy
so, buck up, pick pluck the mop and soak up suck up all the shit thats been mucked up and raped down to raw bare minimum
zero
sum
game
who does the prize fame go to now?
the family whose got no more hope-prosperity, no land no home, all sold, with the union folded
so gone can't even catch a glimpse of the disparity?
mama's nursin, in her brothers house, sleepin in one bedroom, are we proud
enough to sing out national anthem aloud
wrap ourselves in holy shroud or
is it time to Shout
loud enough, far and strong to summon
Buddhist bells
mantras sutras Dharma gongs
a catalyst for Soul songs to the tune of soon freedom marches: injustice walks, crippling stalks, empty belly talks to the mind that unwinds it all to the heart: Act Smart. Do Your Part. Don't be dust, you must Stand for Peace and not fall to your knees.
They are ready and waiting, sipping Coca Cola and Starbucks in the closed door room, making economic movements, some key players have been: Pinochet, Chicago boys, Putin, Bushes, Duvaliers, the proud handshakes
signifying: take the Brakes Off!
Concurrently signaling on: DEREGULATION
$$ FINANCIALIZATION $$
Individual, you matter. you are free! invest in USD
sweat, toil in privately owned soil. (this is)
back breaking 21st century bondage
the market magic as a wand, over time, tick tock, look at stock
as it sits in pits of poverty
people,
going to bed hungry, dropping out of school hungry,
30,000 dying today
excuse me, what?
stop. what about all that US Aid??
the rice, peanut butter, my clothes donated to good will that ended up alongside old VCR players, tvs too
sent to... "3rd world country..." "underdeveloped nations"
because it is mainly poor, generally speaking, "CIA world fact book" wreaking
(do you ask why, how, when, where) - do you dare?
what is yr sense of Africa?
a continent robbed of riches, robbed of resources: gold, silver, diamonds, trees, people,
kingdoms, land, family hopes and plans
pushed into one bedroom, life rearranged, now, like castles in the sand
homes and hopes blown over (in God we trust, His hands?)
i clench my teeth tight and let them go with long breath
looking out on a mighty ancient beast of burden
of power and yearnin for the intensity to receive, to explore
which has evolved: to exploit to extort, rob, judge, lie, condemn and convert
and write the hurt with lies in text books brilliantly through the victors eyes
bloody beast and thanksgiving feast are not painted in the same frame
eh, but some would say it's all a game
like Life
like Monopoly
its ok to topple and force out
like out in St. Louis North City: eminent domain ain't pretty (McKee)
this robbery is rubbery slime stank and rank f you thank its gonna bob a mob of jobs
im thinking
the ocean is winking at me:
snickering slyly- "i didn't tell you so but you figured out domination would grow if you didnt know its force on you, how it would coerce you to your knees
mouth full, red eyes begging please... please
relief
and indeed
by standing you can demand Life again
Monday, June 15, 2009
and i think
what is there to say to
shoulders too sore to implore
another minute of sitting facing the screen
talking into the microphone ring of
holes somehow
carrying my voice over an ocean
and another receiving clearly
words of wisdom love and mother i miss you too
dad you are the best i could have
and small things too heavy to push alone
that become bigger with
time and distance
that you cannot swallow without breathing first
and it is a long outward sigh
a last farewell hug good bye
sitting on the plane without sunglasses and tear streams like quilt seams
this is not 7th grade xanga this is life when its not a sweet mango
its get up and go
and come home alone and look for another roommate
and set the alarm and lock komputer
and call companion and call Sass and leave messages in milwaukee and sanfran
and remember to call Mel tomorrow and write one hour tomorrow
and register tomorrow and meditate and
remember the strength is inside today and tomorrow
and if i just go to alameda for maffe, he'll meet me at the station
and we can tent and i can feel safe
and i am a woman and female and
wondering will Non Violence and Peace really exude in That moment of Crisis
... i've been told if i think it will happen it will
so i am aware of what has happened on the streets
and i think: awareness and all those things ive said before
and i think: barke sarigne falu (barkay sareen fa-loo) ~ security mantra
and i think: who can i have dinner with tomorrow, i want to call... but they will probably be busy
thinking about physical strength, emotional strength
those terms: peace, justice, respect, calm, trust, honor
"best when put into practice" live it rock it roll it feel it know it sew it grow it
schweya schweya.
and, thank you for believing peace-strength is within me
shoulders too sore to implore
another minute of sitting facing the screen
talking into the microphone ring of
holes somehow
carrying my voice over an ocean
and another receiving clearly
words of wisdom love and mother i miss you too
dad you are the best i could have
and small things too heavy to push alone
that become bigger with
time and distance
that you cannot swallow without breathing first
and it is a long outward sigh
a last farewell hug good bye
sitting on the plane without sunglasses and tear streams like quilt seams
this is not 7th grade xanga this is life when its not a sweet mango
its get up and go
and come home alone and look for another roommate
and set the alarm and lock komputer
and call companion and call Sass and leave messages in milwaukee and sanfran
and remember to call Mel tomorrow and write one hour tomorrow
and register tomorrow and meditate and
remember the strength is inside today and tomorrow
and if i just go to alameda for maffe, he'll meet me at the station
and we can tent and i can feel safe
and i am a woman and female and
wondering will Non Violence and Peace really exude in That moment of Crisis
... i've been told if i think it will happen it will
so i am aware of what has happened on the streets
and i think: awareness and all those things ive said before
and i think: barke sarigne falu (barkay sareen fa-loo) ~ security mantra
and i think: who can i have dinner with tomorrow, i want to call... but they will probably be busy
thinking about physical strength, emotional strength
those terms: peace, justice, respect, calm, trust, honor
"best when put into practice" live it rock it roll it feel it know it sew it grow it
schweya schweya.
and, thank you for believing peace-strength is within me
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
June Bugs
June bugs don't crawl
I have seen fire flies and thats all
Back in Cincy back in StL
these words mean little at all
if you have not moved all of yr things in a van
or 2 suitcases every 4 months 4 the past going on 4 years
I am not trying to be exclusive I am just trying to get out the words
that like wet clothes in sun are finally
drying
and those drips and drops are what
rise to clouds and pour down again once enough of them and enough heat moistens them to
rain gem drop rain
It could be more science to, im not in meterology you know.
Concrete things:
it is raining on pavement and lighting as if paid to illuminate the sky
i live around and amongst life long peace makers and biking is transporation
unless Jenn Lay comes around in her Green Giant and picks up 1, 3, or up to ... amount of people, that car is the steeple guiding beacon for community to creeple on in.
I'm doing sit ups and biking like I said, 21 a day for how old I am. We'll see how long this lasts. The plan is that when I'm 95 I'll be doing 95 sit ups a day. And the minimum is 21 (this year) and however more I do daily is just, icing on the cake, or something like that.
I'm reading as much as I can: books borrowed, new books from Pius library (finally back and working) (but still looking for more-supplemental work). Hoping to get into an online Psychology class at a local community college. And just be true to myself.
Understand who I am, try and be intentional... and connect. Those words that I value: respect, love, joy, trust, honor, peace- living those out. And not when I feel like it, but in a more sustainable and honest way.
For now, this is it. One addendum: I'm sorry if I forgot or missed your birthday, I have realized I am as good as melted butter in terms of capability to be sturdy-sound mind and not unwind your birthday dates from my brain. Know that I love you and I wish you a Very Happy Birthday.
Write or visit anytime:
R.L. Gorley
4547 Gibson Ave
St. Louis, MO 63103
and post/send any book-music recommendations puh-leez!
love and peace
I have seen fire flies and thats all
Back in Cincy back in StL
these words mean little at all
if you have not moved all of yr things in a van
or 2 suitcases every 4 months 4 the past going on 4 years
I am not trying to be exclusive I am just trying to get out the words
that like wet clothes in sun are finally
drying
and those drips and drops are what
rise to clouds and pour down again once enough of them and enough heat moistens them to
rain gem drop rain
It could be more science to, im not in meterology you know.
Concrete things:
it is raining on pavement and lighting as if paid to illuminate the sky
i live around and amongst life long peace makers and biking is transporation
unless Jenn Lay comes around in her Green Giant and picks up 1, 3, or up to ... amount of people, that car is the steeple guiding beacon for community to creeple on in.
I'm doing sit ups and biking like I said, 21 a day for how old I am. We'll see how long this lasts. The plan is that when I'm 95 I'll be doing 95 sit ups a day. And the minimum is 21 (this year) and however more I do daily is just, icing on the cake, or something like that.
I'm reading as much as I can: books borrowed, new books from Pius library (finally back and working) (but still looking for more-supplemental work). Hoping to get into an online Psychology class at a local community college. And just be true to myself.
Understand who I am, try and be intentional... and connect. Those words that I value: respect, love, joy, trust, honor, peace- living those out. And not when I feel like it, but in a more sustainable and honest way.
For now, this is it. One addendum: I'm sorry if I forgot or missed your birthday, I have realized I am as good as melted butter in terms of capability to be sturdy-sound mind and not unwind your birthday dates from my brain. Know that I love you and I wish you a Very Happy Birthday.
Write or visit anytime:
R.L. Gorley
4547 Gibson Ave
St. Louis, MO 63103
and post/send any book-music recommendations puh-leez!
love and peace
Thursday, May 7, 2009
My Oh May
It is possible to feel isolation and alienation no matter what country, what year and what piece of technology one can access.
One could say I "should" write. Update this blog. There is something deeper about curiosity and interest and friendship that implores me, are my selected snip-its enough?
This whole time in Madrid I have felt insanely selfish. With time, money, with most all choices. It's taken a step back to a bit of immaturity to realize what maturity means. I'm not referring to drinking, smoking or habits that imply substance use-abuse, not at all. I'm talking about my personality, my character, my perspective, my abilities, capabilities....
One thing I can say for certain: reach out with love
This is not intended to be some big, idealistic message infused with faith nor great expectation. It's just to say, I learn from experience. And when people have reached out to me with love, and when I've reached out with love (absorbed in humility, generosity- those moments have been more memorable).
Love is free. Or, it ought to be.
I want to write more. But I can't. I may not have traveled as much as I had thought. But I have hope that my life will be long and I will be able to travel with close friends and family when the time is right. Please don't ask me How was Paris, because I will not be able to tell you.
I'm sorting out my time here, in a this is ending-I am pensive about this sort of way. I look forward to being able to access any/all books I want. To hugging my mom and dad and brother.
To... walking into the Vine on South grand for the first time in what seems like forever and smiling until I cry from all the joy.
To... moving into a new apartment in the west side and being with the sisters and brothers of the st louis community-
To... biking, walking-jogging more (again), buying locally and fresh (as often as possible)
to having my old school cell phone back with all those damn contacts
Of course, there are a special few whom I will miss with a heart that must be capacious. Yea, I get sentimental here, on a Thursday night, in my room alone. It is weird thought because I am who I am yet, in some ways I know I have Woken Up here. matured, yes. But also, I am very aware of how certain strong colors and pieces of my life I have kept more quiet... I wonder why. Change of setting, environment, responding as best I can...
Jesus Buddha Moses Allah, then I wonder when people will START and STOP asking me what am I Doing with my life. FTS. If you know what that means, fine. If not, forget about it. Seriously. I just can tell you know: I don't know. The world is OPEN OPEN OPEN. And I am a dreamer. And will always have vision, because of my beloved sister friend, Gabrielle in Cap, Haitian.
I will go to Granada as a WWOOFer volunteer on a Sustainable, Organic farm until May 30, when I will (spirits willing) return safely to Madrid and fly to the U.S. and arrive in one piece and AOK in Cincinnati (KY) haha, yes the CVG airport is not in Ohio.
This summer I will live and work in St. Louis, MO. It's going to be a thrill.
Oh yes, and to those who have sent something to me, letters, cookies, cards anything everything something- you are very special, and I especially wish to thank you here.
With love and respect,
ZANMI
One could say I "should" write. Update this blog. There is something deeper about curiosity and interest and friendship that implores me, are my selected snip-its enough?
This whole time in Madrid I have felt insanely selfish. With time, money, with most all choices. It's taken a step back to a bit of immaturity to realize what maturity means. I'm not referring to drinking, smoking or habits that imply substance use-abuse, not at all. I'm talking about my personality, my character, my perspective, my abilities, capabilities....
One thing I can say for certain: reach out with love
This is not intended to be some big, idealistic message infused with faith nor great expectation. It's just to say, I learn from experience. And when people have reached out to me with love, and when I've reached out with love (absorbed in humility, generosity- those moments have been more memorable).
Love is free. Or, it ought to be.
I want to write more. But I can't. I may not have traveled as much as I had thought. But I have hope that my life will be long and I will be able to travel with close friends and family when the time is right. Please don't ask me How was Paris, because I will not be able to tell you.
I'm sorting out my time here, in a this is ending-I am pensive about this sort of way. I look forward to being able to access any/all books I want. To hugging my mom and dad and brother.
To... walking into the Vine on South grand for the first time in what seems like forever and smiling until I cry from all the joy.
To... moving into a new apartment in the west side and being with the sisters and brothers of the st louis community-
To... biking, walking-jogging more (again), buying locally and fresh (as often as possible)
to having my old school cell phone back with all those damn contacts
Of course, there are a special few whom I will miss with a heart that must be capacious. Yea, I get sentimental here, on a Thursday night, in my room alone. It is weird thought because I am who I am yet, in some ways I know I have Woken Up here. matured, yes. But also, I am very aware of how certain strong colors and pieces of my life I have kept more quiet... I wonder why. Change of setting, environment, responding as best I can...
Jesus Buddha Moses Allah, then I wonder when people will START and STOP asking me what am I Doing with my life. FTS. If you know what that means, fine. If not, forget about it. Seriously. I just can tell you know: I don't know. The world is OPEN OPEN OPEN. And I am a dreamer. And will always have vision, because of my beloved sister friend, Gabrielle in Cap, Haitian.
I will go to Granada as a WWOOFer volunteer on a Sustainable, Organic farm until May 30, when I will (spirits willing) return safely to Madrid and fly to the U.S. and arrive in one piece and AOK in Cincinnati (KY) haha, yes the CVG airport is not in Ohio.
This summer I will live and work in St. Louis, MO. It's going to be a thrill.
Oh yes, and to those who have sent something to me, letters, cookies, cards anything everything something- you are very special, and I especially wish to thank you here.
With love and respect,
ZANMI
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Multitudes
I am learning to make decisions. To look for flights to ascertain and formulate a travel agenda for the latter half of May when i may do what i may. In Europe or wherever the money can reach to and my feet can step to.
I want to write, to gush details, sights, smells... and I thought, with this blog I could. But as days go by, I don't even open my notebook with the frequency I'd grown accustomed to. Sometimes I feel as if I'm floating here. Living it, but knowing how temporary it is. I question: who am I? am i myself?
This weekend has been "bloggable" as one of my dear roommates would say. Saturday night my 2 roomates (Mel and Em) as well as our Senora, Carmen, whom we are growing closer to every day... went to a fantastic Flamenco show: Carmen. Em's mom was in town for the weekend and purchased tickets for our group "familia" to go. If you have a moment, google: Sara Baras or Carmen. Flamenco with passion! is all i may exclaim.
Another weekend in Madrid, I wish I had traveled somewhere- but feel antsy and the need to get out next weekend. I've decided that having ideas, vision, hope, dreams, desires is essential in life.
Sometimes I can't believe that I'm here, or that this is real. Like surreal time or something like that. I know, I know, I know or at least, I believe, that when I'm back in Cincy or the StL that I will think, wow, did I really live it? Was I there?
So far, I think I can give an 85% yes. I've walked alot in and of Madrid's streets. Gone out all night, been to local restaurants, cafes, bars, enjoyed delicious food, learned mucho Espanol (confidence and ability in speaking has increased 10 fold). So, yeah. Poco a poco.
I gotta look up flights, finally make some decisions, plan, etc. I am OK. I love you. I miss you. Let's party and celebrate next time we see eachother. It has been too long.
With love and peace
RLG Zanmi
I want to write, to gush details, sights, smells... and I thought, with this blog I could. But as days go by, I don't even open my notebook with the frequency I'd grown accustomed to. Sometimes I feel as if I'm floating here. Living it, but knowing how temporary it is. I question: who am I? am i myself?
This weekend has been "bloggable" as one of my dear roommates would say. Saturday night my 2 roomates (Mel and Em) as well as our Senora, Carmen, whom we are growing closer to every day... went to a fantastic Flamenco show: Carmen. Em's mom was in town for the weekend and purchased tickets for our group "familia" to go. If you have a moment, google: Sara Baras or Carmen. Flamenco with passion! is all i may exclaim.
Another weekend in Madrid, I wish I had traveled somewhere- but feel antsy and the need to get out next weekend. I've decided that having ideas, vision, hope, dreams, desires is essential in life.
Sometimes I can't believe that I'm here, or that this is real. Like surreal time or something like that. I know, I know, I know or at least, I believe, that when I'm back in Cincy or the StL that I will think, wow, did I really live it? Was I there?
So far, I think I can give an 85% yes. I've walked alot in and of Madrid's streets. Gone out all night, been to local restaurants, cafes, bars, enjoyed delicious food, learned mucho Espanol (confidence and ability in speaking has increased 10 fold). So, yeah. Poco a poco.
I gotta look up flights, finally make some decisions, plan, etc. I am OK. I love you. I miss you. Let's party and celebrate next time we see eachother. It has been too long.
With love and peace
RLG Zanmi
Monday, April 13, 2009
Who Am I?
Who Am I:
- bad email responder, not great long distance corresponder
- a candy lover (go to a Alimentacion/Chino/Frutos Secos - a convenient mart) and buy gummy candies (5 centimos each, i get the spicy red peppers, yes i'm hooked on dem)
- planning travel (for May, after final exams i have free time to as cheap as possible flit around europa)
- not a daily writer, and ashamed
- more avid walker
- every now and then a fotog
- thinker, feeler, meditator, luchadora
- planning and considering options, remembering dreams, doing my best not to lay them down like a sack of give away clothes, but rather as something real i dress myself with everyday, something i feel on my skin and inside am kept warm and alive by
- a reader, an observer, a joker, ....
- proud and humble, running and then the usual stumble
- email checker, message hoper, but still not best writing woper (made that up, a woper is someone who replies in a whoa! short amount of time)
- healthy, hopeful
- a sewer! today i sewed two patches on a pair of jeans i got from my roommate, Mel- yea, it took a little bit, but i had the spirits of my mom, and my aunt Sharon and aunt Minnie with me, i know it
- witty, eclectic, non makeup
- one who doesn't hold anything in my hands when i walk places
- now, a person who puts safety pins on the book bag zippers to prevent (help to) prevent theft
- learning French, a little Wolof, speaking-writing-reading Arabic, speaking Spanish, and English on occasion
- feeling guilt about things i can- and cannot control
- debating: StL or Cincy this summer
- buying stamps, dressing in spring colors
- forgetting it is/was Easter
- remembering the Vine, argili... R and A, and all those wednesdays
- open, and growing in something, anything, nothing and everything
- traveler to Bilbao (city explorer, in rain, shine, wind and all on foot)
- patient and then so not
- Whitman "I contain multitudes"
- one who needs respect, attention, love, grace, forgiveness, connection - to living creations, art, music, freedom, liberation, notebook, pen, mind, heart, spirit, feet, health, companionship, trust, peace, joy, hope, and vision
may you be as you are
knowing you are never far
always residing in the lark chirping corner of my heart
peace be in you
Zanmi RLGorley
- bad email responder, not great long distance corresponder
- a candy lover (go to a Alimentacion/Chino/Frutos Secos - a convenient mart) and buy gummy candies (5 centimos each, i get the spicy red peppers, yes i'm hooked on dem)
- planning travel (for May, after final exams i have free time to as cheap as possible flit around europa)
- not a daily writer, and ashamed
- more avid walker
- every now and then a fotog
- thinker, feeler, meditator, luchadora
- planning and considering options, remembering dreams, doing my best not to lay them down like a sack of give away clothes, but rather as something real i dress myself with everyday, something i feel on my skin and inside am kept warm and alive by
- a reader, an observer, a joker, ....
- proud and humble, running and then the usual stumble
- email checker, message hoper, but still not best writing woper (made that up, a woper is someone who replies in a whoa! short amount of time)
- healthy, hopeful
- a sewer! today i sewed two patches on a pair of jeans i got from my roommate, Mel- yea, it took a little bit, but i had the spirits of my mom, and my aunt Sharon and aunt Minnie with me, i know it
- witty, eclectic, non makeup
- one who doesn't hold anything in my hands when i walk places
- now, a person who puts safety pins on the book bag zippers to prevent (help to) prevent theft
- learning French, a little Wolof, speaking-writing-reading Arabic, speaking Spanish, and English on occasion
- feeling guilt about things i can- and cannot control
- debating: StL or Cincy this summer
- buying stamps, dressing in spring colors
- forgetting it is/was Easter
- remembering the Vine, argili... R and A, and all those wednesdays
- open, and growing in something, anything, nothing and everything
- traveler to Bilbao (city explorer, in rain, shine, wind and all on foot)
- patient and then so not
- Whitman "I contain multitudes"
- one who needs respect, attention, love, grace, forgiveness, connection - to living creations, art, music, freedom, liberation, notebook, pen, mind, heart, spirit, feet, health, companionship, trust, peace, joy, hope, and vision
may you be as you are
knowing you are never far
always residing in the lark chirping corner of my heart
peace be in you
Zanmi RLGorley
Monday, April 6, 2009
write because pen is pulse, heres something about a sun and human impulse
blazing at the end of a soy bean field
a burning sun scorches hope of further sleep
dark ignorance can no longer creep
behind nor below clouds that run
from the destruction done
without
love light
that no harvest moon could delight despite its duty
to be bright and fight fright
blazing at the end of a soy bean field
another day, now belongs to you
to your renewed heart and recreated marrow
as morning fog clears, it lifts like wings of the sparrow
we fly because we knew we could do more than walk on land
we believe we reach we burn we rise we understand
if we do not hope and trust and receive and give
than life is not living, tis us existing,
so, why, when knowing width, depth and heigth
are we still resisting
the sun burning sun rise?
a burning sun scorches hope of further sleep
dark ignorance can no longer creep
behind nor below clouds that run
from the destruction done
without
love light
that no harvest moon could delight despite its duty
to be bright and fight fright
blazing at the end of a soy bean field
another day, now belongs to you
to your renewed heart and recreated marrow
as morning fog clears, it lifts like wings of the sparrow
we fly because we knew we could do more than walk on land
we believe we reach we burn we rise we understand
if we do not hope and trust and receive and give
than life is not living, tis us existing,
so, why, when knowing width, depth and heigth
are we still resisting
the sun burning sun rise?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
probable robbable
ithinkfast
i b l i n k
slowww
now, i know
in flesh and bone
words you spoke
about to keep cosas* close and keep ojos**
on what is most
valuable robbable
probable too if
yr in a orange camel hippy skirt
and a bakpak
a silent costly attack
no physical harm
just a stealthy prob'ly professional arm
and aim
to gain green and
yea
you
did
that
phew, bitter spat, ...done.
who won? no, this is no game
this is a lesson i hope you dont shun
watch your time watch your step
watch your dime watch yr rep
it can slip and slide, grab and go
in 10 seconds, you know?
back in piso
apartamento, bajo C
and telling Carmen, lo siento please
i need new keys
and thank you
for your help
i change my clothes and feel sweat
under where their armpits are and i think
and blink
OK,
this
was
all
---
*cosas- things
* ojos- eyes
i b l i n k
slowww
now, i know
in flesh and bone
words you spoke
about to keep cosas* close and keep ojos**
on what is most
valuable robbable
probable too if
yr in a orange camel hippy skirt
and a bakpak
a silent costly attack
no physical harm
just a stealthy prob'ly professional arm
and aim
to gain green and
yea
you
did
that
phew, bitter spat, ...done.
who won? no, this is no game
this is a lesson i hope you dont shun
watch your time watch your step
watch your dime watch yr rep
it can slip and slide, grab and go
in 10 seconds, you know?
back in piso
apartamento, bajo C
and telling Carmen, lo siento please
i need new keys
and thank you
for your help
i change my clothes and feel sweat
under where their armpits are and i think
and blink
OK,
this
was
all
---
*cosas- things
* ojos- eyes
Saturday, March 28, 2009
what have you done lately?
Saturday afternoon, March 28, already.
First eight hours of sleep in a long time. Finally getting some headway on "American details"... but then I scroll this list quickly in my mind and think, eh, mas o menos. Not so much, but getting there.
Here in Madrid, for the weekend, which is Nice! Just to enjoy the weather and local familiar sights (not sounds so much- traffic, city bustle, construction...) but, to just have a bed and room of my own. This last week has been busier than usual, with a second round of midterms and good grades that affirm hard work and dedication to studies.
I am most of how I've caught up to the Arabic II class. Reading, writing, speaking- little by little (aschweya aschweya) I learn a new beautiful language and another way in which millions of people express themselves. From speaking Creole, Spanish, English, now Arabic and a little French, the importance and relevance of understanding language and context, lexicon and diction mmm, seems innumerable. I think of water and how various streams run in and connect, then too, follow their own bends and wash away rocks and pick up mud... ideas of connectedness and uniqueness. These abstract thoughts dance like lightning bugs on a summer night, just after dinner and watermelon.
I look out my window, the sun bright against stones and bricks of the building across the street. Soon, I have to go out into my neighborhood, meaning just step outside and observe, write, interview people/business owners for an anthropology study/project/paper on the dynamics of my neighborhood. I've been dilatory with the assignment so after this - I gotta make like a tree and leaf. Which, brings me to some more good news ;)
Earlier I mentioned how elated I am in my Arabic class, the professor, Muhsin Al-Ramli is fantastic! He is a poet and writer from Iraq... Al Jazeera is coming to our class on Monday to video-interview him while teaching. He was the first to translate Don Quixote from Spanish to Arabic and is a kateeb meshoor (famous writer) around the world. Because I'm in this class I've connected with students from Saudi Arabia- and we laugh over my pronunciations and this past week two sweet friends took me out to lunch at a (mumtaz! fantastic) Lebanese restaurant. If you know me, I am all about the Lebanese cuisine! mmm.
My amigas, Doaa and Reemo are so sweet! Some folks I heard from before I left Madrid said, oh its near impossible to break into the full-time student or non-American cliques at SLU Madrid- but I feel I have broken those boundaries. I know a handful of full time students, a couple Spaniards, and I try and branch out, look for and go with the similarities, the common humanity and yes, of course, they are varieties and differences, unique facets of each of us- but ..."i continue to reach upward".
This is life giving.
Also! Wednesday morning I received and e-mail from a female English teacher at SLU Madrid looking for a female student to have a conversation in English with a female Spaniard (15 y. old). I thought about it, first, and then replied within the next few minutes, Yes! I would love to take this opportunity. I had my first English conversation session with this intelligent, bright young student! In this way, I feel more connected to authentic Madrid-Spanish life. I went to her home, we talked in her room. I listened and asked questions about her school, life, etc. These human to human connections are beautiful, invaluable.
This is life giving.
It can be easy to judge and criticize. In conversation last night over this topic, of course it is easier to see how myself and person V are different. By whatever means visual, physical, emotional, mental abilities/details etc. carve out a gap and then put a glass lid over to solidify such characterization and divide. But, no matter what language, what size, height, smell- we must learn to listen, respect, understand and love or we will perish as fools (MLK infusion). This is not a too high human philosophy this is reality, step by step. I write it because I am learning it, and squirming to live it.
No doubt, no doubt. I am positively influenced, and seek to learn and understand by any all and non stimuli. Silence and noise. What are my filters? Biases? Prejudices? I can always ask questions. And as I continue on, I strive to humbly feel awareness, to imbibe it and pee it out- absorbing the nutrients and purities and releasing it...
On the last note, a bit quirky but involving a brief story with the universal health care system in Spain (Madrid, specifically) - I had this awful rash, on my right ankle, under my armpits and en la zona intima- kind of sweat gland areas you could say, and I went to the hospital yesterday with a friend who is fluent in Spanish, English (French and a couple other languages) and we waited for about 2 1/2 for a brief brief brief consult- where the doctor looked at the rash patch of my elbow joint (inside area) and next thing you know I was getting a shot in my lower left back- yes, almost where you'd find the derriere. So, haha, I am very happy to share with you that- I am better already! And Insha'Allah do not have to go back on Monday for more waiting and (free) care.
And last night, I met my friend Polo- a fantastic young man (ok, he's 22!) but I met him 4ish years ago in Port-au-Prince Haiti, on an incredible, serene mountain called Gwojean. He's been studying philosophy, politics and business systems in Malaga (a southern area of Spain). He came to Madrid for a conference today... and last night we met up for a little bit and Polo, it was so great to be with you, ti zanmi Polo! Wow, it really did mean so so much to connect with an old, deep friend. Just to share common ground and understanding of what we've seen, felt, lived before... thank you Polo.
Well, I do believe that is all the babble baddle I have saddled, I gotta sciddadle and riddle the raddles in my neighborhood- play the fiddle and chew the faddle. That kind of thing.
Give me a email ring song sing or a pong ping fling of anything-
love you always, with peace
RL Gorley
First eight hours of sleep in a long time. Finally getting some headway on "American details"... but then I scroll this list quickly in my mind and think, eh, mas o menos. Not so much, but getting there.
Here in Madrid, for the weekend, which is Nice! Just to enjoy the weather and local familiar sights (not sounds so much- traffic, city bustle, construction...) but, to just have a bed and room of my own. This last week has been busier than usual, with a second round of midterms and good grades that affirm hard work and dedication to studies.
I am most of how I've caught up to the Arabic II class. Reading, writing, speaking- little by little (aschweya aschweya) I learn a new beautiful language and another way in which millions of people express themselves. From speaking Creole, Spanish, English, now Arabic and a little French, the importance and relevance of understanding language and context, lexicon and diction mmm, seems innumerable. I think of water and how various streams run in and connect, then too, follow their own bends and wash away rocks and pick up mud... ideas of connectedness and uniqueness. These abstract thoughts dance like lightning bugs on a summer night, just after dinner and watermelon.
I look out my window, the sun bright against stones and bricks of the building across the street. Soon, I have to go out into my neighborhood, meaning just step outside and observe, write, interview people/business owners for an anthropology study/project/paper on the dynamics of my neighborhood. I've been dilatory with the assignment so after this - I gotta make like a tree and leaf. Which, brings me to some more good news ;)
Earlier I mentioned how elated I am in my Arabic class, the professor, Muhsin Al-Ramli is fantastic! He is a poet and writer from Iraq... Al Jazeera is coming to our class on Monday to video-interview him while teaching. He was the first to translate Don Quixote from Spanish to Arabic and is a kateeb meshoor (famous writer) around the world. Because I'm in this class I've connected with students from Saudi Arabia- and we laugh over my pronunciations and this past week two sweet friends took me out to lunch at a (mumtaz! fantastic) Lebanese restaurant. If you know me, I am all about the Lebanese cuisine! mmm.
My amigas, Doaa and Reemo are so sweet! Some folks I heard from before I left Madrid said, oh its near impossible to break into the full-time student or non-American cliques at SLU Madrid- but I feel I have broken those boundaries. I know a handful of full time students, a couple Spaniards, and I try and branch out, look for and go with the similarities, the common humanity and yes, of course, they are varieties and differences, unique facets of each of us- but ..."i continue to reach upward".
This is life giving.
Also! Wednesday morning I received and e-mail from a female English teacher at SLU Madrid looking for a female student to have a conversation in English with a female Spaniard (15 y. old). I thought about it, first, and then replied within the next few minutes, Yes! I would love to take this opportunity. I had my first English conversation session with this intelligent, bright young student! In this way, I feel more connected to authentic Madrid-Spanish life. I went to her home, we talked in her room. I listened and asked questions about her school, life, etc. These human to human connections are beautiful, invaluable.
This is life giving.
It can be easy to judge and criticize. In conversation last night over this topic, of course it is easier to see how myself and person V are different. By whatever means visual, physical, emotional, mental abilities/details etc. carve out a gap and then put a glass lid over to solidify such characterization and divide. But, no matter what language, what size, height, smell- we must learn to listen, respect, understand and love or we will perish as fools (MLK infusion). This is not a too high human philosophy this is reality, step by step. I write it because I am learning it, and squirming to live it.
No doubt, no doubt. I am positively influenced, and seek to learn and understand by any all and non stimuli. Silence and noise. What are my filters? Biases? Prejudices? I can always ask questions. And as I continue on, I strive to humbly feel awareness, to imbibe it and pee it out- absorbing the nutrients and purities and releasing it...
On the last note, a bit quirky but involving a brief story with the universal health care system in Spain (Madrid, specifically) - I had this awful rash, on my right ankle, under my armpits and en la zona intima- kind of sweat gland areas you could say, and I went to the hospital yesterday with a friend who is fluent in Spanish, English (French and a couple other languages) and we waited for about 2 1/2 for a brief brief brief consult- where the doctor looked at the rash patch of my elbow joint (inside area) and next thing you know I was getting a shot in my lower left back- yes, almost where you'd find the derriere. So, haha, I am very happy to share with you that- I am better already! And Insha'Allah do not have to go back on Monday for more waiting and (free) care.
And last night, I met my friend Polo- a fantastic young man (ok, he's 22!) but I met him 4ish years ago in Port-au-Prince Haiti, on an incredible, serene mountain called Gwojean. He's been studying philosophy, politics and business systems in Malaga (a southern area of Spain). He came to Madrid for a conference today... and last night we met up for a little bit and Polo, it was so great to be with you, ti zanmi Polo! Wow, it really did mean so so much to connect with an old, deep friend. Just to share common ground and understanding of what we've seen, felt, lived before... thank you Polo.
Well, I do believe that is all the babble baddle I have saddled, I gotta sciddadle and riddle the raddles in my neighborhood- play the fiddle and chew the faddle. That kind of thing.
Give me a email ring song sing or a pong ping fling of anything-
love you always, with peace
RL Gorley
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Kayfe al-hal?
In recent blogger news, RL Gorley's bad dilatory blogging sets record for having the least entries in March!
Perhaps a unique way of starting and nudging a mindful apology...
an explanation would be a chimney smoking with excuses
So, what have I been doing? How am I?
Yea, I'm cool. Things are floating and flowing right along. I realize more and more that having a plan for this summer and making certain decisions is important. "America Details" as I refer to it. But, according to my nature, I'm just not going to think about that right now and save it for later. Since, I have been saving writing on this web blog page for way to wog dog long.
Over Spring Break I traveled to Istanbul Turkey. Here's how I remember and am able to share it with you: Islam, beautiful mosques, calls to prayer, cold grayish weather, positive energy in group, handmade rugs and carpets from the hands of women in deep Turkey, wanting to go to Ephesus and Cappadochia, liking the hostel (Antique Hostel) and having fun with the staff, being invited to a late night dinner and learning about what serving for the Turkish army was like, meeting SWEET people/travelers- one female who taught in Seoul, Korea for three years (had just left), a cool Aussie couple traveling the world, ...great water pipe in Istanbul, fantastic baklava and apple tea, food in general was tasty... I studied Arabic every day, did some writing, realized a few new things about myself (vague but I mean I cannot spill everything at once!)... good trip, was welcomed back to a warm sunny Madrid.
A short week followed due to a Spanish Catholic holiday on Thursday (March 19). Oh yea, and it was my birthday. I didn't really feel like telling anyone or making a deal about it, but of course, I wanted people to magically and specially honor my day of fresh 21 passage or something... kind of. It was cool. My roommates got me a lovely flower plant which brings me joy as it sits on my desk - for now, alive. No it's cool, it will keep living. I've got a green thumb. And a sweet treat and a card and of course, the birthday song. So, definitely smiling on my birthday. BUT, if you are reading this and you're not a random person flipping thru blogspot bloggers, but like, I know you- trust me, I missed you, I still do. But I prefer using the word, remember, so I remember you. And eso es. This is the case. Friends and family know. They just know. A certain degree of honor, respect, love, feeling, comfort, understanding, flexibility and acceptance... I am reminded of how precious you are, you friend, you family member. Please know I smile with loving appreciation for you. That's not to say people here aren't cool or aren't nice or aren't capable of loving- it is just different, like a not yet clicked-in seat belt. Hm.
And then Wednesday night rolled around the bend and my roommates and I headed with our backpacks and temp belongings to Barcelona! Beautiful, artistic, big, musical, less cosmopolitan, bicycle friendly, extraordinary parks and museum filled Barcelona! Wow, I did my darndest to walk all over the city. Some highlights: Mount Juic, the view from (what seemed to be the highest point possible- wow, alot of trekking that day) ...view from the castle... walking over/by the myriad boats and having the water in sight, Picasso museum, walking by the Miro museum and the National Art Museum of Catalunya, Placa Espania, understanding the lay out of the city, for metro, bikers, walkers, rollerbladers, cars and autobuses! City planning! Reminded me of a public policy class I took freshman year... and filled me with hope to be part of restructuring, designing, working with people and needs of and within a city for more sustainable, healthy, viable options for traveling, moving about...
And usually one mentions in these updates all the rosy, shiny stuff. Well here comes the opposite... the bus ride was 8 hours there, 8 hours back. And the night before, ehh didn't exactly sleep. So, I find myself here, Tuesday, one week as a 21 yr old and dipping under my covers at 6pm hoping a nap will meet my body's desire to sleep, to rest up! SLU Madrid (university I go to here) had 2 rounds of midterms and finals. plus papers, projects peppered in there... so, I'm a busy bee these days. Which is okay once I get started on things. Poco a poco. You know how it is.
For now, know that I'm joy filled and just being myself. Open and growing and loving you always.
Perhaps a unique way of starting and nudging a mindful apology...
an explanation would be a chimney smoking with excuses
So, what have I been doing? How am I?
Yea, I'm cool. Things are floating and flowing right along. I realize more and more that having a plan for this summer and making certain decisions is important. "America Details" as I refer to it. But, according to my nature, I'm just not going to think about that right now and save it for later. Since, I have been saving writing on this web blog page for way to wog dog long.
Over Spring Break I traveled to Istanbul Turkey. Here's how I remember and am able to share it with you: Islam, beautiful mosques, calls to prayer, cold grayish weather, positive energy in group, handmade rugs and carpets from the hands of women in deep Turkey, wanting to go to Ephesus and Cappadochia, liking the hostel (Antique Hostel) and having fun with the staff, being invited to a late night dinner and learning about what serving for the Turkish army was like, meeting SWEET people/travelers- one female who taught in Seoul, Korea for three years (had just left), a cool Aussie couple traveling the world, ...great water pipe in Istanbul, fantastic baklava and apple tea, food in general was tasty... I studied Arabic every day, did some writing, realized a few new things about myself (vague but I mean I cannot spill everything at once!)... good trip, was welcomed back to a warm sunny Madrid.
A short week followed due to a Spanish Catholic holiday on Thursday (March 19). Oh yea, and it was my birthday. I didn't really feel like telling anyone or making a deal about it, but of course, I wanted people to magically and specially honor my day of fresh 21 passage or something... kind of. It was cool. My roommates got me a lovely flower plant which brings me joy as it sits on my desk - for now, alive. No it's cool, it will keep living. I've got a green thumb. And a sweet treat and a card and of course, the birthday song. So, definitely smiling on my birthday. BUT, if you are reading this and you're not a random person flipping thru blogspot bloggers, but like, I know you- trust me, I missed you, I still do. But I prefer using the word, remember, so I remember you. And eso es. This is the case. Friends and family know. They just know. A certain degree of honor, respect, love, feeling, comfort, understanding, flexibility and acceptance... I am reminded of how precious you are, you friend, you family member. Please know I smile with loving appreciation for you. That's not to say people here aren't cool or aren't nice or aren't capable of loving- it is just different, like a not yet clicked-in seat belt. Hm.
And then Wednesday night rolled around the bend and my roommates and I headed with our backpacks and temp belongings to Barcelona! Beautiful, artistic, big, musical, less cosmopolitan, bicycle friendly, extraordinary parks and museum filled Barcelona! Wow, I did my darndest to walk all over the city. Some highlights: Mount Juic, the view from (what seemed to be the highest point possible- wow, alot of trekking that day) ...view from the castle... walking over/by the myriad boats and having the water in sight, Picasso museum, walking by the Miro museum and the National Art Museum of Catalunya, Placa Espania, understanding the lay out of the city, for metro, bikers, walkers, rollerbladers, cars and autobuses! City planning! Reminded me of a public policy class I took freshman year... and filled me with hope to be part of restructuring, designing, working with people and needs of and within a city for more sustainable, healthy, viable options for traveling, moving about...
And usually one mentions in these updates all the rosy, shiny stuff. Well here comes the opposite... the bus ride was 8 hours there, 8 hours back. And the night before, ehh didn't exactly sleep. So, I find myself here, Tuesday, one week as a 21 yr old and dipping under my covers at 6pm hoping a nap will meet my body's desire to sleep, to rest up! SLU Madrid (university I go to here) had 2 rounds of midterms and finals. plus papers, projects peppered in there... so, I'm a busy bee these days. Which is okay once I get started on things. Poco a poco. You know how it is.
For now, know that I'm joy filled and just being myself. Open and growing and loving you always.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
nature calls
Thursday, class and then, weekend starts at 2pm. Rather quaint.
Friday sunny afternoons invite me to park partake, but not slake- from the fountain.
Which has a beautiful grandmother tree, sagacious and strong around a pond bend.
Walking to Retiro park, at night, it is closed. People inside search for gate hiatus! Yikes!
Conversations follow with lower temperatures and Saturday morning tick tock rock rolls around and it is not the sound of midnight but the cold fright of night that brings me back to the flat.
Saturday and to El Escorial with Roberta! Took the Renfe train and it took an hour to gain the distance from Madrid to this outer-metropolis... where
we waited in line and found no bliss
so soon dismissed El Palacio-Monasterio
and kissed 10 euors back
into our pockets
and walked around, found our way back
through the forest park
and a Trout-Dillard holy moment
manifested and the concrete jungle was
arrested and tested
over its nest-ability
and what appealed-tah-me
was the natural reality
of
present
moment
breath
a whirling wind perspective wrapping around and freeing me to bound
profoundly
in the be-ing
Train back to Madrid. hemph, more concrete jungle RAWR! and yet
a Chmiel vibe did preside and peace did not hide it began to reside, again
Continuum, returning, recreating-
Remembering
A friend once gave me a quote that mentioned mountains, how the mountains just exist. Yes, right, i will and do acknowledge my responsibilities and duties as student, as tal tal tal... but, the mountains, the seas, the trees...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Breath!
Week highlights before I scoot off to class:
beautiful weather is a feather
in my cap
62 and blue
skies
eyes open and smiling
meeting a zanmi
in the park and eating
a sandwich
candy
sunshine
listening to wake up alarms
of people who set them and
hit them
and dont
wake
up
wearing out shoes
literally, 3 pair now
gone and somehow
somewhere need to find some new ones
dream i played soccer and had to buy all new gear
in the process, i bought overalls
remembering people on/from way to school to write in notebook: two Chinese girls, the produce man by guzman el bueno, what people think on the metro, couples, street sweepers, newspaper sellers, shop owners stepping out for a smoke break or to look into their store
celebrating end of midterms are our [my Piso Amigas (apartment friends) and my] favorite local bar: Cafe Sin Nombre. Which involved tequila on the house... or paid for by a Spanish guy named Javier. Yea.
and today is thursday, last day of the week for classes.
PEACE
beautiful weather is a feather
in my cap
62 and blue
skies
eyes open and smiling
meeting a zanmi
in the park and eating
a sandwich
candy
sunshine
listening to wake up alarms
of people who set them and
hit them
and dont
wake
up
wearing out shoes
literally, 3 pair now
gone and somehow
somewhere need to find some new ones
dream i played soccer and had to buy all new gear
in the process, i bought overalls
remembering people on/from way to school to write in notebook: two Chinese girls, the produce man by guzman el bueno, what people think on the metro, couples, street sweepers, newspaper sellers, shop owners stepping out for a smoke break or to look into their store
celebrating end of midterms are our [my Piso Amigas (apartment friends) and my] favorite local bar: Cafe Sin Nombre. Which involved tequila on the house... or paid for by a Spanish guy named Javier. Yea.
and today is thursday, last day of the week for classes.
PEACE
Monday, February 23, 2009
Procrastination
Who ever thought midterms would just be so... unappealing?
At SLU Madrid, I guess taking upper level classes allowed me to dodge the "midterm" nusance, even a comprehensive final or 2 and so forth... to those teachers, thank you!
It's just that I am the kinda person who will offer: let me tell you what is meaningful to me, what I really took away from (yr) the class-
Yea, currently I have a philosophy/ethics midterm and in the last ethics class i was in, well, it did not fare too well- hence, the catalyst (one of three) which led me to drop the course from my schedule a year ago. So, now, it returns. Even though the essay based test will cover Nietzsche and Ruth Benedict, Hobbes and Rouseau, even my cafe con leche brain (plus raisins and soy crackers) is still, just not feeling it...
Today was beautiful, for a Monday in februrary. I'm going to miss this kind of, take off your layers or start sweating, spring.
You know, my dad was in Madrid for 2 days this weekend, it was fantastic. He listened to me ramble on and we philosophized and caught up and just it was teriffic. His motto was- lets do what you usually do around Madrid. So, it was a big walking-exploring weekend, caught alot of great sights in Plaza Mayor (in Sol) but definitely chilled and enjoyed the weekend. I forgot to mention below in previous blog about Dad Weekend, that Lucas (from a neighborhood restaurant/bar) gave Dad and I FREE Blue Shots! Yes- my dad and I drank these blue shots. It was fun. Thanks Lucas. And, of course, Dad. I love you Padre!
I also wanted to saythat I'm aware of how selfish-self absorbed I'm evolving into. In terms of what I can chose/control/decide... i feel freedom but sometimes not, from my conscience. Before you get all imaginative about what things I'm doing- I think it is just that, I'm here in Madrid- trying to live, have meaning, be present, do the school thing (A on history midterm- hope this trend continues)... sitting here, I want to provide you with a concrete something- but, know that I feel selfish-self absorbed
Gratitude/appreciation, patience, kindness, care of/for the beggars/poor on the streets, the handicapped, the apparent desperate woman on the metro pleading 'ayudame porfavor' ...
you know its like, i will do an action, or think something and then later- i'll remember or be reminded and think, did I really do/not do that? Did I really not look at that person and or not give them money or sit with them or ...
Some of you have asked, if I am OK, ...from reading my blogs. And, that question is not new. In fact, from my poetry and word-expressions, people often thought it was (and therefore I was) dark, or some maudlin, or depressed or dreary-dismal person. I want to say a couple of things.
One, yea, I'm well. Two, I think its important to be honest (my poetry has definitly incorporated alot of injustice-oppression). Three, I dont esteem lying to cover up weakness, pain, sorrow, anger, frustration. ...So, in terms of me- yea, thank you for reading, thank you caring. Just because I'm a bloggerin Madrid doesn't mean things are happy-go-lucky. I would not want them to be.
I was recently informed by my roommate that I am "very sensitive. too sensitive" and yea, I took that kinda deep, but after a dear friend invited perspective back for me to imbibe I mean here's the thing:
I am a collection of experiences, people, memories, biology, values, anything, everything, and nothing-
I am learning, falling, following, piecing things together... poco a poco
Sometimes home here is hard, sometimes loving is hard, I forgot what I am capable of, I have to remind myself to open the windows and let perspective blow in and let the day's air refresh these lungs
I haven't been writing like normal, and that effects my disposition. I'm also on a prescription for my acne (YA which totally still is on my face ... guhh), and who knows how that is affecting me -
Long post, right. Well. I'll close: in summary (for the scrollers, I know yoube out derr)... I'm seeking, trying, taking things step by step. I still listen to Nina Simone and Jimi Hendrix, Davis and T. Chapman, classical guitar, Yo Yo Ma, and Bob- and sometimes I go without music to school. Whatever, I try and take opportunities to learn.
I guess now, I should take one of those opps which exists in Philosophy, and (will manifest in exam form tomorrow)...
In hope and confusion
love and laughterå
memory and candlelight
interbeing and presence
ZANMI
At SLU Madrid, I guess taking upper level classes allowed me to dodge the "midterm" nusance, even a comprehensive final or 2 and so forth... to those teachers, thank you!
It's just that I am the kinda person who will offer: let me tell you what is meaningful to me, what I really took away from (yr) the class-
Yea, currently I have a philosophy/ethics midterm and in the last ethics class i was in, well, it did not fare too well- hence, the catalyst (one of three) which led me to drop the course from my schedule a year ago. So, now, it returns. Even though the essay based test will cover Nietzsche and Ruth Benedict, Hobbes and Rouseau, even my cafe con leche brain (plus raisins and soy crackers) is still, just not feeling it...
Today was beautiful, for a Monday in februrary. I'm going to miss this kind of, take off your layers or start sweating, spring.
You know, my dad was in Madrid for 2 days this weekend, it was fantastic. He listened to me ramble on and we philosophized and caught up and just it was teriffic. His motto was- lets do what you usually do around Madrid. So, it was a big walking-exploring weekend, caught alot of great sights in Plaza Mayor (in Sol) but definitely chilled and enjoyed the weekend. I forgot to mention below in previous blog about Dad Weekend, that Lucas (from a neighborhood restaurant/bar) gave Dad and I FREE Blue Shots! Yes- my dad and I drank these blue shots. It was fun. Thanks Lucas. And, of course, Dad. I love you Padre!
I also wanted to saythat I'm aware of how selfish-self absorbed I'm evolving into. In terms of what I can chose/control/decide... i feel freedom but sometimes not, from my conscience. Before you get all imaginative about what things I'm doing- I think it is just that, I'm here in Madrid- trying to live, have meaning, be present, do the school thing (A on history midterm- hope this trend continues)... sitting here, I want to provide you with a concrete something- but, know that I feel selfish-self absorbed
Gratitude/appreciation, patience, kindness, care of/for the beggars/poor on the streets, the handicapped, the apparent desperate woman on the metro pleading 'ayudame porfavor' ...
you know its like, i will do an action, or think something and then later- i'll remember or be reminded and think, did I really do/not do that? Did I really not look at that person and or not give them money or sit with them or ...
Some of you have asked, if I am OK, ...from reading my blogs. And, that question is not new. In fact, from my poetry and word-expressions, people often thought it was (and therefore I was) dark, or some maudlin, or depressed or dreary-dismal person. I want to say a couple of things.
One, yea, I'm well. Two, I think its important to be honest (my poetry has definitly incorporated alot of injustice-oppression). Three, I dont esteem lying to cover up weakness, pain, sorrow, anger, frustration. ...So, in terms of me- yea, thank you for reading, thank you caring. Just because I'm a bloggerin Madrid doesn't mean things are happy-go-lucky. I would not want them to be.
I was recently informed by my roommate that I am "very sensitive. too sensitive" and yea, I took that kinda deep, but after a dear friend invited perspective back for me to imbibe I mean here's the thing:
I am a collection of experiences, people, memories, biology, values, anything, everything, and nothing-
I am learning, falling, following, piecing things together... poco a poco
Sometimes home here is hard, sometimes loving is hard, I forgot what I am capable of, I have to remind myself to open the windows and let perspective blow in and let the day's air refresh these lungs
I haven't been writing like normal, and that effects my disposition. I'm also on a prescription for my acne (YA which totally still is on my face ... guhh), and who knows how that is affecting me -
Long post, right. Well. I'll close: in summary (for the scrollers, I know yoube out derr)... I'm seeking, trying, taking things step by step. I still listen to Nina Simone and Jimi Hendrix, Davis and T. Chapman, classical guitar, Yo Yo Ma, and Bob- and sometimes I go without music to school. Whatever, I try and take opportunities to learn.
I guess now, I should take one of those opps which exists in Philosophy, and (will manifest in exam form tomorrow)...
In hope and confusion
love and laughterå
memory and candlelight
interbeing and presence
ZANMI
Saturday, February 21, 2009
11 dias despues.../11 days later
All i can say: the vicissitudes
ocean waves lapping on the shore of eternity, neither are completely constant
sand, waves, moon, living creatures, stones, foot prints
resound impermanence in yr heart like a shell held to yr ear
I wear the continuum on a hemp necklace and I still do not breathe and engage mindfulness as I need...
I am well, I feel embraced in Madrid because of new friends and sunshine. Dad flew into Madrid this weekend and instead of going through museums and palaces and doing the "tourist" stuff, he said: I just want to do what's important to you.
Awesome. Dad, I love you. So, Saturday afternoon and on we went out for a great pizza lunch, then walked around Madrid until dinner. We enjoyed taking in sights, cruised around in Sol for awhile... talked about chocolate and didn't find what we were looking for... not today at least.
Hopefully will post up pictures tomorrow, or after this upcoming heavy midterms week passes. Oh, I would rather be out! Dancing all night or eating churros! Jaja, no big deal. Poco a poco...
In recent news: I went to a talk held by 2003 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Shirin Ebadi- a lawyer and judge from Iran known for her women's and humans rights work. She has written a memoir (highly recommend), Iran Awakening... and after hearing her speak (Farsi- then, translated into Spanish)- I felt compelled to thank her and see her in person. Above/below the text is a photo of us...
Well, blog break is over now- back to Arabic studies.
Seeking to understand, be real, live simply and honestly
Questioning (most) everything and remembering you-
Zanmi
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
the latest is not the greatest, it just is
Hello from Madrid
where some cronies and i are puzzling out the how to get Rid of the Mad part or parts
or trying to put the Mad parts that have been Rid of back in place...
whatever, im not trying to efface time or seriousness but a little levity and bath bubbles didnt hurt anyone last i knew
The Current Currents:
I had an Enlightenment day Monday. Very bignificant (yes that would be big + significant). and to sum up the pieces i deduced the following:
- drop the art class that was a stressor and time gobbler
- ask around, get books and read them
- breathe, practice breathing and mindfulness (meditations too)
- ask myself what i need, what i want and what am i doing
- come around/realize i will eventually make money (that i seem to be spending too much and too often, even tho compared to some i get the sense im pretty darn frugal)... google frugal, i might come up
- i had not been writing AKA i need to write to be healthy
- i need sunshine
- smiling is important, so is being real-true, but, perspective counts and cracking a smile can be contagious
- Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Dylan... are music marvels, and yes i do try to translate their lyrics into spanish, creole or arabic and mouth them (or sing out loud) and DANCE on the way to school (30 min walk, still, havent found no shortcuts)... and yeah, its a sight, but i feel alright
- haha
- eating raisins and digestiva crackers so my volcanic-vibrato stomach will chill the trill out
- remembering you, carrying you with me, hoping you are well
What else?
- send me love:
RL Gorley c/o Carmen B. Toreno
Calle Manuel Bajo 7
D.P 28015 MADRID, ESPANA
- while my host mom is an excellent chef, i fear she is strict-tight and is reserved and proud to the right, her rules are like bricks and i cant bite thru them with any words or teeth or fly over them with any kite. so w/e this is my short life, in spain, with un poco home strife, but i take it in stride, try and seek the positive and let that override any negativity-hostility, and have flexible attitude abilities and patience, understanding, appreciation, and... again, patience
thanks
toda mi amor
where some cronies and i are puzzling out the how to get Rid of the Mad part or parts
or trying to put the Mad parts that have been Rid of back in place...
whatever, im not trying to efface time or seriousness but a little levity and bath bubbles didnt hurt anyone last i knew
The Current Currents:
I had an Enlightenment day Monday. Very bignificant (yes that would be big + significant). and to sum up the pieces i deduced the following:
- drop the art class that was a stressor and time gobbler
- ask around, get books and read them
- breathe, practice breathing and mindfulness (meditations too)
- ask myself what i need, what i want and what am i doing
- come around/realize i will eventually make money (that i seem to be spending too much and too often, even tho compared to some i get the sense im pretty darn frugal)... google frugal, i might come up
- i had not been writing AKA i need to write to be healthy
- i need sunshine
- smiling is important, so is being real-true, but, perspective counts and cracking a smile can be contagious
- Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Dylan... are music marvels, and yes i do try to translate their lyrics into spanish, creole or arabic and mouth them (or sing out loud) and DANCE on the way to school (30 min walk, still, havent found no shortcuts)... and yeah, its a sight, but i feel alright
- haha
- eating raisins and digestiva crackers so my volcanic-vibrato stomach will chill the trill out
- remembering you, carrying you with me, hoping you are well
What else?
- send me love:
RL Gorley c/o Carmen B. Toreno
Calle Manuel Bajo 7
D.P 28015 MADRID, ESPANA
- while my host mom is an excellent chef, i fear she is strict-tight and is reserved and proud to the right, her rules are like bricks and i cant bite thru them with any words or teeth or fly over them with any kite. so w/e this is my short life, in spain, with un poco home strife, but i take it in stride, try and seek the positive and let that override any negativity-hostility, and have flexible attitude abilities and patience, understanding, appreciation, and... again, patience
thanks
toda mi amor
Friday, February 6, 2009
cold winds spin me, in the beggars tin with his dried tear's salt
Back in Madrid for a week.
Is who I am determined by what I do, eat, think
where I walk, and connections i link
Brief updates:
consumed-addicted to learning Arabic (classical), but still, fascinating and challenging
often remembering you
freezing, literally, still, in Madrid
still drinking cafe con leche
reading: Neruda poetry, a book in Spanish by E. Rico, homework blah blah- trying to suck value from it
feeling cold, un-inspired, like i'm in a consumer-aesthetic driven culture and i want to smash its glass bubble-suffocating state
dreaming of sunshine, warmth, when i will make money and not spend it
thinking i need to stop thinking of money
trying to find positive, but when life moves so fast and cold and
i dont want to whirl with it
nor stand still
how and where do i go
(which translates into)
how do i be
who am i
and
why
(questioning everything stage)
friends and letters are sweet
Is who I am determined by what I do, eat, think
where I walk, and connections i link
Brief updates:
consumed-addicted to learning Arabic (classical), but still, fascinating and challenging
often remembering you
freezing, literally, still, in Madrid
still drinking cafe con leche
reading: Neruda poetry, a book in Spanish by E. Rico, homework blah blah- trying to suck value from it
feeling cold, un-inspired, like i'm in a consumer-aesthetic driven culture and i want to smash its glass bubble-suffocating state
dreaming of sunshine, warmth, when i will make money and not spend it
thinking i need to stop thinking of money
trying to find positive, but when life moves so fast and cold and
i dont want to whirl with it
nor stand still
how and where do i go
(which translates into)
how do i be
who am i
and
why
(questioning everything stage)
friends and letters are sweet
Monday, February 2, 2009
no se poema
what is the glow in your eyes
black gleaming iris
burning coal
burning day into night
cool breaths white out pieces of twilight
to make starlight
into galaxies and
worthy to fill the mysterious thrill
of your unwavering will
to be,
burning and bright
black gleaming iris
burning coal
burning day into night
cool breaths white out pieces of twilight
to make starlight
into galaxies and
worthy to fill the mysterious thrill
of your unwavering will
to be,
burning and bright
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Granada and Back
Well, my best friend for over half my life emailed me Monday to ask/remind me if I was going to meet her in Granada (south of Madrid). Besides traveling to a couple of places (Port-au-Prince or Cap Haitien) Haiti, I've never planned or scheduled trips/hostels/tickets nor looked into things to do... and it the week was about to enter a couple rough spots--
I was skeptical and thinking I couldn't or wouldn't go. But, aha! At last I made a decision TO GO and meet my beloved friend Kaeleigh in a beautiful part of Spain... Granada. Which was amazing.
I took the overnight bus Wed-Thur and got in at 4.30am. Then, I decided to sleep/sit/hang/write/maybe meet some of the people waiting for buses or what looked like homeless and regular-station-sleepers. Well, I did about 2 of the things just mentioned: sit and write. It was cold and I didn't want to get a taxi to the hostel at this time. So I waited the couple of hours until the cafeteria opened (moment of heaven on earth, 8th world wonder for time went by sooo slowly!) and then got refueled w/ cafe con leche- mmm and then decided to walk w/ my pack to the hostel... my calves were sore thursday and friday due to the incredible amount of walking and the incredible heights (arriba la calle) (up the street) but literally UP as in UP steep and long and yeah...
Kaeleigh and I had a fabulous time- two best friends from back in the retainer/elementary/winnie the pooh days to now, and despite going to different schools in mid and high school, well, let me just say it was so rejuvenating to hang-explore-laugh w/ my soul sistah. And she has travelled a ton and subtly/kindly taught me how/what to do-expect when traveling... which was great. Our hostel, Mochi, was great. Met some sweet new friends. Smoked hookah- yess, i bought one for here. But it needs a little tweaking... we both took a ton of pictures. Cobblestone/stone streets everywhere, relaxed good energy folks, shopping (more rebajas-rebates), Arab shops with teas, hookahs, "hippie" clothes, woven backpacks and so forth... incense, it was all very cool. I practiced a little bit of my Arabic. We ate Lebanese for dinner on Friday night but... ehh, we both wouldn't recommend it, it made me miss the Vine and my beloved family-friends there at the market on So. Grand (63103)...!
Beautiful warm, sunshine weather brought smiles. Views and walking through the Alhambra (famous standing Moorish fort-temple with gardens and palace) made "wow" the most said word of the day and just both walking with ineffable-incredulity throughout the day(s)
Saturday was a cool rainy goodbye day... but it was great hanging in Granada, with Kale, figuring out a bit of the travel-how to stuff, seeing another part of Spain, walking a ton, getting over the "i've never traveled before i dont know what im doing", and just BEING AND DOING IT!!
knowing where to go, what metro and then, walking and feeling the feeling of, yeah, i can't wait to get back to el piso-the apartment and just flop on my bed!! hmm. after unpacking all my stuff i got my new sweet jacket and woven-"fanny pack" jaja on and actually ran into this HUGE manifestation called EL PATIO VIVE. with singing and drums- a whole percussion with coordinated rows/lines of bells/drums/shakers different percussion instruments and it was incredible-marrow shaking-hippies and rastas and young and older folks dancing and walking and everyone was just feeling the energy of this organized street celebration!!! RIGHT ON!!
and there were soooooooo many rastas (dreadlocks/people w/ dreadlocks), tons of folks dancing, smoking, drinking, hanging, laughing, taking photos, ....when my roommates joined up w/ me they said "these are your people" and i just kept dancing and swirling around-
it was solid and soo much fun to be part of and to watch
for now, its snowing (an anomaly) in madrid and i have no enthusiasm for homework, we'll see if i can search and find some somewhere...
all my love-
rlgorley
"we bang the drums
we sang the hums
we learn: RAISE YR VOICE
before we burn
burn burn burn up in smoke
we choke on silence
as it divides the fears we hide
through segregation, agression and hate
as they form nations
we exclaim the sensations:
RAISE YR HANDS RAISE YR VOICE
these our the moments, lands and THE CHOICE" short quip-thought from the Vive Patio
Monday, January 26, 2009
cold gray monday day
i cursed on the way to school and on the way back, about 10 hours later- walking, uphill, both ways for a solid 30 minutes in 6* celsius, which is pretty close to 40* fahrenheit ...the kicker is the wind
the key is: home
while each moment i could have been breathing in and reciting a gatha:
I have arrived
I am home
I breathe
I am here
no, i was not there nor was i doin that when i was walking briskly past the stores and crowds, eyes peeled on the path ahead knowing that each step in the journey was where i was at-
back to the key part: home
i have a place to come home to, where it is warm (unless Carmen is airing out the house w/ all the windows open no matter the temperature), where i laugh and feel filled with this real friendship, named for years and years: love
Emily, Mel, Caroline are three incredible women from Baylor- and you who read this must know that without them i would be sinking! not that i do not value the be-able-to-do-it-find-it on my own dealio but i mean, these are the kind of folks you write to mom and dad about and say, yea, i got some angels and i got somebody in the corner with the washcloth and neosporen and they're keepin me flyin and carin' for me, for real, and as a dear friend Katie Meyer would say... "big time"
i'm learning that: have angels, have corner folks
learn to breathe and move on, be present
this idea keeps knockin on my door, sometimes i answer and let present moment imbue my spirit
other times i say, fuck it and am just mindless-reckless
PERO, i am filled with love and hope because i've been given it-
jenn lay's blog once read: i am all that i have received, ...and i feel that now, so, perhaps a sentimental post but here it is and adjusting especially with certain life-torques can be tough, tricky, sticky...
thats all i got, with love, ZANMI
the key is: home
while each moment i could have been breathing in and reciting a gatha:
I have arrived
I am home
I breathe
I am here
no, i was not there nor was i doin that when i was walking briskly past the stores and crowds, eyes peeled on the path ahead knowing that each step in the journey was where i was at-
back to the key part: home
i have a place to come home to, where it is warm (unless Carmen is airing out the house w/ all the windows open no matter the temperature), where i laugh and feel filled with this real friendship, named for years and years: love
Emily, Mel, Caroline are three incredible women from Baylor- and you who read this must know that without them i would be sinking! not that i do not value the be-able-to-do-it-find-it on my own dealio but i mean, these are the kind of folks you write to mom and dad about and say, yea, i got some angels and i got somebody in the corner with the washcloth and neosporen and they're keepin me flyin and carin' for me, for real, and as a dear friend Katie Meyer would say... "big time"
i'm learning that: have angels, have corner folks
learn to breathe and move on, be present
this idea keeps knockin on my door, sometimes i answer and let present moment imbue my spirit
other times i say, fuck it and am just mindless-reckless
PERO, i am filled with love and hope because i've been given it-
jenn lay's blog once read: i am all that i have received, ...and i feel that now, so, perhaps a sentimental post but here it is and adjusting especially with certain life-torques can be tough, tricky, sticky...
thats all i got, with love, ZANMI
Sunday, January 25, 2009
sunday desk
why am i here ?
to lighten up, to laugh until i cry- i am capaciously grateful for and enamored by my dear housemates, and the dinners that carry the four of us together and too, closer with Carmen (la madre-senora)
its freezing here temp-wise, long walks are good for the lungs, legs, heart and mind, not to mention open hungry eyes chewing-digesting-being nourished and challenged by what i take in
went to excellent jazz music this weekend- mind blowing beautiful
and the Reina Sofia National Art Museum of Spain (for free)... saw Picasso's works incld'g Guernica and Miro and Dali's works...
La Figura en la Ventana (1925, Dali) holds great significance to me because years ago, my dad brought me a ceramic coaster of this painting from a trip to Spain- when my eyes beheld the painting, i was emotionally uplifted and joyously surprised
i remember how precious love is
how intense and distant i can be
my humanness - needs, aches, breaks, hopes, fears, efforts
--
princesa to gran via rebajas puking up everywhere
and into the hands of the women who want image
their empty hands now, vestiges
with "wants" bandaged with bags in hands
dont they understand
this society-culture perpetuates and potentially deprecates
real deep vida
i mean to say to ya
that yr cigarette isnt going to save ya
and a kiss is only bliss
if its you and beauty
some-manifestation homo sapien of love
and perhaps its pressing on need
yr physical sexual greed
why do the hookers on montera blow
like weeds, so easily heed
to the wind of his money grin
is it pain, survival, loss, win
lipstick and hairpin and safety protection
boots up shins
policemen stand like tin
men, when
they are hard too
i dont eschew anyone
i suppose i coo
like a bird in the branch
about la gente y la experiencia as it avalanche
falls
and twirls and does
dance
dance
dance
i blink, to keep to think
to not be in total trance
but to take this chance
to be here
to breathe hope and fear
to love near
atmosphere bequeaths
and all the wreaths
are
dismantled
to lighten up, to laugh until i cry- i am capaciously grateful for and enamored by my dear housemates, and the dinners that carry the four of us together and too, closer with Carmen (la madre-senora)
its freezing here temp-wise, long walks are good for the lungs, legs, heart and mind, not to mention open hungry eyes chewing-digesting-being nourished and challenged by what i take in
went to excellent jazz music this weekend- mind blowing beautiful
and the Reina Sofia National Art Museum of Spain (for free)... saw Picasso's works incld'g Guernica and Miro and Dali's works...
La Figura en la Ventana (1925, Dali) holds great significance to me because years ago, my dad brought me a ceramic coaster of this painting from a trip to Spain- when my eyes beheld the painting, i was emotionally uplifted and joyously surprised
i remember how precious love is
how intense and distant i can be
my humanness - needs, aches, breaks, hopes, fears, efforts
--
princesa to gran via rebajas puking up everywhere
and into the hands of the women who want image
their empty hands now, vestiges
with "wants" bandaged with bags in hands
dont they understand
this society-culture perpetuates and potentially deprecates
real deep vida
i mean to say to ya
that yr cigarette isnt going to save ya
and a kiss is only bliss
if its you and beauty
some-manifestation homo sapien of love
and perhaps its pressing on need
yr physical sexual greed
why do the hookers on montera blow
like weeds, so easily heed
to the wind of his money grin
is it pain, survival, loss, win
lipstick and hairpin and safety protection
boots up shins
policemen stand like tin
men, when
they are hard too
i dont eschew anyone
i suppose i coo
like a bird in the branch
about la gente y la experiencia as it avalanche
falls
and twirls and does
dance
dance
dance
i blink, to keep to think
to not be in total trance
but to take this chance
to be here
to breathe hope and fear
to love near
atmosphere bequeaths
and all the wreaths
are
dismantled
Saturday, January 24, 2009
saturday... afternoon
highlights from the last couple of days:
bought art supplies for my newly added drawing class, great prof and definitely feel positive energy to be in the class, i asked the prof to call me Zanmi- which here in Madrid comes out ... "Thon-mee" (because the Z)
anoche, last night, the most incredible live jazz imbued mi amiga, Bird, y yo... and (Trucha, yes, holy moment- is what I can say)... the experience was ineffable, and yet i wanted to write while standing and let words fall capaciously as in an innate catharsis. thoughtt of my dear dad and of ryan clavelle and those friday jams in the 'Munity. really, incredible. i have this thing about me that carries me to want to see/meet/touch the person (like NIkki Giovanni, Heru, Jane Elliott) so i went up and said "shokran" which is Arabic for "thank you" and then i said gracias to the beautiful trumpet player... sigh, i recognized two things: the need for live music in my life
desire to be around a musician/musicians
(and three, this idea of RECREATION) Giovanni says: we owe it to ourselves to RECREATE ourselves
i love my housemates-roommates: Emily, Melanie and Caroline- all students at Baylor and beautiful women... we learn and laugh with eachother daily. dinners are awesome. hilarious because of Caroline's humor and sarcasm, because of everyone's spanish, and just a beautiful levity-genuine quality about them/us... last night Mel Caroline and I went to an Egyptian restaurant/bar and got drinks and Melon hookah mmmm... most likely going to buy my own argili/cachima/hookah because it will be cheaper and mobile... we'll see
i have needed to be in a Recreate mood because of the consumerism-aesthetic driven/dominating society of Madrid (i was told, fashion capitol of europe-world)... and still i have to squirm before i stand and find a comfortable place between enjoying myself and partaking of the society
my house mom/senora is great! her name is Carmen, excellent chef, salubrious dinners! (not too typical Spanish heavy)... at first she was strict/guarded but with our dinners, she is more open and i begin to feel the five of us genuinely liking, respecting, grooving with one another, i am very joy filled and grateful
and what about Spanish- well, my goal of learning 15 verbs a day and studying vocab ehh isn't exactly happening- i could make excuses but im coming to appreciate a more natural pull into spanish... granted, i need to review - for my own pride and dignity (especially when going to a cafe-restaurant for first time)... and for confidence, but all i can say is that its coming...
today i might go to Reina Sofia with my dear friend Bird... and sunday to Rastro, a huge market that i've heard is my style...
so far no casualties or atrocities or things i was apprehensive of, definitly trying to be on my own two feet, to read maps and make decisions and to practice awareness and present moment living-
i am smiling with you
bought art supplies for my newly added drawing class, great prof and definitely feel positive energy to be in the class, i asked the prof to call me Zanmi- which here in Madrid comes out ... "Thon-mee" (because the Z)
anoche, last night, the most incredible live jazz imbued mi amiga, Bird, y yo... and (Trucha, yes, holy moment- is what I can say)... the experience was ineffable, and yet i wanted to write while standing and let words fall capaciously as in an innate catharsis. thoughtt of my dear dad and of ryan clavelle and those friday jams in the 'Munity. really, incredible. i have this thing about me that carries me to want to see/meet/touch the person (like NIkki Giovanni, Heru, Jane Elliott) so i went up and said "shokran" which is Arabic for "thank you" and then i said gracias to the beautiful trumpet player... sigh, i recognized two things: the need for live music in my life
desire to be around a musician/musicians
(and three, this idea of RECREATION) Giovanni says: we owe it to ourselves to RECREATE ourselves
i love my housemates-roommates: Emily, Melanie and Caroline- all students at Baylor and beautiful women... we learn and laugh with eachother daily. dinners are awesome. hilarious because of Caroline's humor and sarcasm, because of everyone's spanish, and just a beautiful levity-genuine quality about them/us... last night Mel Caroline and I went to an Egyptian restaurant/bar and got drinks and Melon hookah mmmm... most likely going to buy my own argili/cachima/hookah because it will be cheaper and mobile... we'll see
i have needed to be in a Recreate mood because of the consumerism-aesthetic driven/dominating society of Madrid (i was told, fashion capitol of europe-world)... and still i have to squirm before i stand and find a comfortable place between enjoying myself and partaking of the society
my house mom/senora is great! her name is Carmen, excellent chef, salubrious dinners! (not too typical Spanish heavy)... at first she was strict/guarded but with our dinners, she is more open and i begin to feel the five of us genuinely liking, respecting, grooving with one another, i am very joy filled and grateful
and what about Spanish- well, my goal of learning 15 verbs a day and studying vocab ehh isn't exactly happening- i could make excuses but im coming to appreciate a more natural pull into spanish... granted, i need to review - for my own pride and dignity (especially when going to a cafe-restaurant for first time)... and for confidence, but all i can say is that its coming...
today i might go to Reina Sofia with my dear friend Bird... and sunday to Rastro, a huge market that i've heard is my style...
so far no casualties or atrocities or things i was apprehensive of, definitly trying to be on my own two feet, to read maps and make decisions and to practice awareness and present moment living-
i am smiling with you
Thursday, January 22, 2009
pensive-reflective
cigarettes and books and work and consumerism
being is a discovery
without the things, the smoke, the pages, the distraction, the latest
while connected to all
trees, ground, oxygen, air, humans
do not forget breathing and being
sometimes these things, while they may comprise pieces of society
do not forget yourself
contain multitudes
seek true name
don't preach, enjoy the salty air of the beach
by walking
laughter, human connection, personal relationships which uplift innate values and virtues
i come to find precious, uplifting and necessary to my existence
i could walk the streets of Madrid all day and night but without a smile, a shared connection,
what am i but a lone nomad
endlessly pondering and weaving the vicissitudes, which there is some time for
but not a lifetime
being is a discovery
without the things, the smoke, the pages, the distraction, the latest
while connected to all
trees, ground, oxygen, air, humans
do not forget breathing and being
sometimes these things, while they may comprise pieces of society
do not forget yourself
contain multitudes
seek true name
don't preach, enjoy the salty air of the beach
by walking
laughter, human connection, personal relationships which uplift innate values and virtues
i come to find precious, uplifting and necessary to my existence
i could walk the streets of Madrid all day and night but without a smile, a shared connection,
what am i but a lone nomad
endlessly pondering and weaving the vicissitudes, which there is some time for
but not a lifetime
Sunday, January 18, 2009
sundays are for...
walking
experiencing cold air
not getting to supposedly where supposed to be
listening to an older Madrid man speak of how he doesnt believe in capitalism
meeting two jovenes and charlar en el parque de Plaza de Espana until it is too cold to sit anymore
watching families, couples, lovers, water fountains- everyone in motion and connected
looking up at never before seen architecture and history
wanting a million things and nothing too
seeking friendship, companions and also solitude, new friends, conversations
reflecting, dreaming, believing that i will only ask more questions and have less answers as life continues
valuing freedom and security, a balance of both
questioning everything, everyone (taking anthropology is a part-catalyst)
briefly thinking i am in love
recognizing my own needs, pondering the needs of others...
trying not to be general but today has been one of reflecting and abstract-swirling thoughts
seeking: to be non attached, to be present, to breathe and to consume less
to explore and be confident...
instead of opening a map i often ask the closest/most amiable looking person for directions.
learning: to listen and to listen carefully.
i smile, which i dont think is a big thing here- for me, it is a form of interbeing
my roommates (each have our own room) are sweet, and i enjoy spending time with them- we laugh alot together, which is beautiful... and together, we learn/figure out which cafes-restaurants/bars are kind to us first time visitors.
and, of course if you know me at all, you might be asking- what about the hookah? has rg smoked hookah yet? well, yes- this weekend i did w/ some amigas. watermelon and strawberry- and it was nice. im thinking about buying one here, to save money and for enjoyment.... we'll see
for now, need to read some for la escuela and review Espanol!!
toda mi amor~ zanmi rlg
experiencing cold air
not getting to supposedly where supposed to be
listening to an older Madrid man speak of how he doesnt believe in capitalism
meeting two jovenes and charlar en el parque de Plaza de Espana until it is too cold to sit anymore
watching families, couples, lovers, water fountains- everyone in motion and connected
looking up at never before seen architecture and history
wanting a million things and nothing too
seeking friendship, companions and also solitude, new friends, conversations
reflecting, dreaming, believing that i will only ask more questions and have less answers as life continues
valuing freedom and security, a balance of both
questioning everything, everyone (taking anthropology is a part-catalyst)
briefly thinking i am in love
recognizing my own needs, pondering the needs of others...
trying not to be general but today has been one of reflecting and abstract-swirling thoughts
seeking: to be non attached, to be present, to breathe and to consume less
to explore and be confident...
instead of opening a map i often ask the closest/most amiable looking person for directions.
learning: to listen and to listen carefully.
i smile, which i dont think is a big thing here- for me, it is a form of interbeing
my roommates (each have our own room) are sweet, and i enjoy spending time with them- we laugh alot together, which is beautiful... and together, we learn/figure out which cafes-restaurants/bars are kind to us first time visitors.
and, of course if you know me at all, you might be asking- what about the hookah? has rg smoked hookah yet? well, yes- this weekend i did w/ some amigas. watermelon and strawberry- and it was nice. im thinking about buying one here, to save money and for enjoyment.... we'll see
for now, need to read some for la escuela and review Espanol!!
toda mi amor~ zanmi rlg
Saturday, January 17, 2009
VIVA LA LUCHA DEL PUEBLO PALESTINO
huge, and growing pro Palestine rally in SOL, a vibrant area of Madrid
several hundred people, chants in Spanish and Palestinian Arabic...
alot of anti-Israel
and "Bush Obama basura Americana"....
and US and Israel together
(which, can be seen as truth)
i remembered the anti US occupation of IRAQ march and protest i went to a year and half ago--
and remembered, the violence in the shouts, posters and purposes of folks around
and remembered the idea (quotes): if you want peace, work for justice and there is no way to peace, peace is the way
now, how many countless conversations have talked about the human nature: violent/non-violent war/peace
(- but even in the absence of war there is a chance there is not peace)
and there are even peace activists who believe that some force must be asserted in order to attain justice, peace
Friday, January 16, 2009
el viernes numero uno
clang chang clang chang
por faa-vorrr, por favor
clang chang clang chang
he is double leg amputee
butt sitting, his seat on the street
leather heels and euros dont greet
his eyes with a smile sun rise
it is night and
stars twinkle bright
when a hand
bends to understand
for a second
a man with limited motion
and begging, with daily devotion
blue eyes sparkling
i know you as human
in need of love and bread
as my own body heart head
------
cigarettes and tiendas
hats, scarfs, hookahs, leather, rebajas
Castillian flavor
cold air breath and
two euros here, another two there
where!!
is all the DI-NER-O
GO- ing...
zing zing ZER-O
------
never underestimate the energy of your smile
have you smiled lately
what are your needs, are you hungry
homeless, wifeless, sexless, restless
get out get yourself fresh air,
open those ojos for perspective
dont get mangled in the maudlin maze
(get outta dat daze)
wash yr face with cold water
go to bed hungry
dig beyond news reports
dont be trampled by fear- it can be a small steer, not a stampede
seek understanding
burn, be on fire, radiate- energy of inspiration, challenge, need and hope
where are your thoughts?
why do you run away...
seek and find (continuum) baby
hey maybe
after ramblin down tracks you'll leave the rails
and grab yr pails to build castles
with love lighting candles and stoves cooking
food from the garden, its a vegetable stew
for her, him, me and you
the land, back to the land
looking into the eyes of those we are with
being, seeing, growing, sewing, climbing and rhyming
smiles and cry whiles and silence with shouts
how about
expression
and dismantling obsessions
and truncating depressions
with self awareness and meaningful moments, friends, love
not from a shelf or a store or symmetrical and given on 14 feb
but its a web
we be connected
miraculous and minute and macro and dont mute
yourself
be
and celebrate yourself
and seek yr true name
and the raft is still not the shore and the shore is not the end and the bend takes you to...
the forest where the soil is held in place
but a veces life is a race to keep up
with the red queen, but elusive, she's a fleeing-fiend
world sped up too fast, it rushes, rushed past
and gets hushed up unjustly and vast
people go without voices to sing below their steeple
but their crosses are so high
and Christ, they believed was nigh
but when they took their last sigh
what was their thought
what is your thought
i choke on disparities, comparisons, inadequacies, dreams deferred
long distance loves, rock tumbled blocked channels, words and steps
spoken and silenced- stepped and shyed
looking at him, i smiled
it was you
and the architecture and crosses and blood baths and smoke and need
for love, grace, peace, hope and belief in you and i
formed a smile
a coin for blue eyes and
euros to buys a gift
and a conversation to uplift
the smile
words and steps
zanmi zanmi
be
por faa-vorrr, por favor
clang chang clang chang
he is double leg amputee
butt sitting, his seat on the street
leather heels and euros dont greet
his eyes with a smile sun rise
it is night and
stars twinkle bright
when a hand
bends to understand
for a second
a man with limited motion
and begging, with daily devotion
blue eyes sparkling
i know you as human
in need of love and bread
as my own body heart head
------
cigarettes and tiendas
hats, scarfs, hookahs, leather, rebajas
Castillian flavor
cold air breath and
two euros here, another two there
where!!
is all the DI-NER-O
GO- ing...
zing zing ZER-O
------
never underestimate the energy of your smile
have you smiled lately
what are your needs, are you hungry
homeless, wifeless, sexless, restless
get out get yourself fresh air,
open those ojos for perspective
dont get mangled in the maudlin maze
(get outta dat daze)
wash yr face with cold water
go to bed hungry
dig beyond news reports
dont be trampled by fear- it can be a small steer, not a stampede
seek understanding
burn, be on fire, radiate- energy of inspiration, challenge, need and hope
where are your thoughts?
why do you run away...
seek and find (continuum) baby
hey maybe
after ramblin down tracks you'll leave the rails
and grab yr pails to build castles
with love lighting candles and stoves cooking
food from the garden, its a vegetable stew
for her, him, me and you
the land, back to the land
looking into the eyes of those we are with
being, seeing, growing, sewing, climbing and rhyming
smiles and cry whiles and silence with shouts
how about
expression
and dismantling obsessions
and truncating depressions
with self awareness and meaningful moments, friends, love
not from a shelf or a store or symmetrical and given on 14 feb
but its a web
we be connected
miraculous and minute and macro and dont mute
yourself
be
and celebrate yourself
and seek yr true name
and the raft is still not the shore and the shore is not the end and the bend takes you to...
the forest where the soil is held in place
but a veces life is a race to keep up
with the red queen, but elusive, she's a fleeing-fiend
world sped up too fast, it rushes, rushed past
and gets hushed up unjustly and vast
people go without voices to sing below their steeple
but their crosses are so high
and Christ, they believed was nigh
but when they took their last sigh
what was their thought
what is your thought
i choke on disparities, comparisons, inadequacies, dreams deferred
long distance loves, rock tumbled blocked channels, words and steps
spoken and silenced- stepped and shyed
looking at him, i smiled
it was you
and the architecture and crosses and blood baths and smoke and need
for love, grace, peace, hope and belief in you and i
formed a smile
a coin for blue eyes and
euros to buys a gift
and a conversation to uplift
the smile
words and steps
zanmi zanmi
be
world weather
its so cold i could
turn into mold
just before i scold
the old wind which
i am determined
does and will switch
this tiempo invierno
to sun and gold
----
* tiempo invierno- winter weather
turn into mold
just before i scold
the old wind which
i am determined
does and will switch
this tiempo invierno
to sun and gold
----
* tiempo invierno- winter weather
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tea, Rose, Dulce
I believe I am making thursday my last class day of the week
seriously, fridays were not made for indoor review sessions or for introducing new material...
I currently have "Carmelos de Nata" a delicious caramel candy stuck in my right top molars/teeth. Wow, should be fun to hang on to this for a while, or let it hang on me.
Today was a beautiful day, in terms of seeing new sights: Plaza Mayor and the capacious shops/cafes - sweet energy of Sol, an alive part of Madrid (10 min Metro from where I live). Great conversation with zanmi yo from school- anthopology, sustainable communities, workers rights, labor conditions, historical materialism- Marxism, some socialist insights, talks of las luchas, and society. Let's just say, I am so grateful for these friends y por charlamos. AND, I cannot forget, one great shop- beautiful organic/earthy jewelry and things, the man and woman who ran the store called me "nina"- and were so kind, they gave us a rose, hot tea, and this caramel candy... there were truly beautiful in the way they reached out to us.
Dinners here at Carmen's on C. Manuel are excellent. Tonight, rice with orange-raisin-apple and then salad with pollo.
The thing so far has been: metro, explore, walk, walk, take in, get cafe or cafe con leche, hang, talk,... at least for now while classes aren't too hard and heavy. I do miss folks back homes, yes meaning plural homes-- you know. Spanish is coming along alright but can be intimidating if in a new place. Fortunately, I made friends quickly with a sweet woman, L., and she bartends at a cafe-bar close to the piso/apartment. Taking in sights, yes. Like Plaza de Espana- no pictures yet because I've only gone at night.
All i can say now is, I'm glad I'm here. I'm grateful. I'm seeking to be present here and to meet folks. YES, I have met full time students at the campus, in my Arabic and Ethics classes... So, looks like no traveling this weekend but will hopefully write, find some poetic inspiration--
toda mi amor-
seriously, fridays were not made for indoor review sessions or for introducing new material...
I currently have "Carmelos de Nata" a delicious caramel candy stuck in my right top molars/teeth. Wow, should be fun to hang on to this for a while, or let it hang on me.
Today was a beautiful day, in terms of seeing new sights: Plaza Mayor and the capacious shops/cafes - sweet energy of Sol, an alive part of Madrid (10 min Metro from where I live). Great conversation with zanmi yo from school- anthopology, sustainable communities, workers rights, labor conditions, historical materialism- Marxism, some socialist insights, talks of las luchas, and society. Let's just say, I am so grateful for these friends y por charlamos. AND, I cannot forget, one great shop- beautiful organic/earthy jewelry and things, the man and woman who ran the store called me "nina"- and were so kind, they gave us a rose, hot tea, and this caramel candy... there were truly beautiful in the way they reached out to us.
Dinners here at Carmen's on C. Manuel are excellent. Tonight, rice with orange-raisin-apple and then salad with pollo.
The thing so far has been: metro, explore, walk, walk, take in, get cafe or cafe con leche, hang, talk,... at least for now while classes aren't too hard and heavy. I do miss folks back homes, yes meaning plural homes-- you know. Spanish is coming along alright but can be intimidating if in a new place. Fortunately, I made friends quickly with a sweet woman, L., and she bartends at a cafe-bar close to the piso/apartment. Taking in sights, yes. Like Plaza de Espana- no pictures yet because I've only gone at night.
All i can say now is, I'm glad I'm here. I'm grateful. I'm seeking to be present here and to meet folks. YES, I have met full time students at the campus, in my Arabic and Ethics classes... So, looks like no traveling this weekend but will hopefully write, find some poetic inspiration--
toda mi amor-
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
First Day of Class
Wow, so I woke up 30 minutes before class to my host Senora vaccuuming.
Which, was a great thing because I can just barely get to the university in that time, including change clothes and brush teeth etc. So, whatever this seems like small details and perhaps it is but it was my first day of classes in Madrid. In Spain and I forgot my schedule on my desk and forgot gloves-- two blunders because it is freezing here and yeah, I had no idea where my classes were, and even what they were. I was in a whirlwind and even though the campus is small, I still had to take a moment to figure things out.
I found the library, which, if you know me at all- you know that there is some eccentric connection between a library and myself. They don´t have job openings there but there was a table in which I had some time to catch up and write a bit. After I met a beautiful zanmi, Katie, who has been in Madrid studying for a semester already for a bit of coffee. It is great seeing familiar SLU faces and meeting new folks. Which has happened alot and brought me great joy.
After a bit, I met up with a friend from SLU who´s really a Madrid student and went to a bar called The Golden Coc for some lunch-drinks. Yea, I had cafe con leche- no sangria before class quiiite yet. Yea, but I just mean to say that in this moment I´m glad I am here. Ooh, almost sounding sentimental or juevenile but yeah, I think for awhile I was nervous (and not wanting to be) part of a boisterous, borracho ¨American¨ crowd. But I am seeking... real, meaningful experiences, with levity and joy, too...yea. Not that I want to be cliche or repetitive but I am trying to be in the present, to be here, to seek awareness and live.
As for classes, I might drop statistics. I mean... if I can take an Art History class instead? Like... oh, I wouldn´t think twice...but I will have to take it later-
As for Arabic, it is the second level course and I have catching up to do. The prof is GREAT. and I do want to learn Arabic (even though this dialects vary depending on country and this class offers a more general version, but I think it is still worth it). History class tonite and then an Anthro class in 15 minutes. I should buy textbooks soon... ellos son muy caros. Aye yae yae.
Well, writing is major catharsis and I know I´ve written alot. Perhaps miniscule details but it is what it is. With my whole heart, I hope you are well ...
paz y amor
Zanmi RL GORLEY
Which, was a great thing because I can just barely get to the university in that time, including change clothes and brush teeth etc. So, whatever this seems like small details and perhaps it is but it was my first day of classes in Madrid. In Spain and I forgot my schedule on my desk and forgot gloves-- two blunders because it is freezing here and yeah, I had no idea where my classes were, and even what they were. I was in a whirlwind and even though the campus is small, I still had to take a moment to figure things out.
I found the library, which, if you know me at all- you know that there is some eccentric connection between a library and myself. They don´t have job openings there but there was a table in which I had some time to catch up and write a bit. After I met a beautiful zanmi, Katie, who has been in Madrid studying for a semester already for a bit of coffee. It is great seeing familiar SLU faces and meeting new folks. Which has happened alot and brought me great joy.
After a bit, I met up with a friend from SLU who´s really a Madrid student and went to a bar called The Golden Coc for some lunch-drinks. Yea, I had cafe con leche- no sangria before class quiiite yet. Yea, but I just mean to say that in this moment I´m glad I am here. Ooh, almost sounding sentimental or juevenile but yeah, I think for awhile I was nervous (and not wanting to be) part of a boisterous, borracho ¨American¨ crowd. But I am seeking... real, meaningful experiences, with levity and joy, too...yea. Not that I want to be cliche or repetitive but I am trying to be in the present, to be here, to seek awareness and live.
As for classes, I might drop statistics. I mean... if I can take an Art History class instead? Like... oh, I wouldn´t think twice...but I will have to take it later-
As for Arabic, it is the second level course and I have catching up to do. The prof is GREAT. and I do want to learn Arabic (even though this dialects vary depending on country and this class offers a more general version, but I think it is still worth it). History class tonite and then an Anthro class in 15 minutes. I should buy textbooks soon... ellos son muy caros. Aye yae yae.
Well, writing is major catharsis and I know I´ve written alot. Perhaps miniscule details but it is what it is. With my whole heart, I hope you are well ...
paz y amor
Zanmi RL GORLEY
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Viva la Continuum
I believe in energy, light, present moment, impermanence and interbeing
I listen to Nina Simone singing
and my heart begins ringing bells
and my chest swells
with sighs
and peace when i rise
carrying hope and no lies
today i say
breath with awareness
and i may
breathe with life
more deeply
and i may
walk life
climbing steeply
on the mountain that exists and
is meaning
and i, connected to it,
and you, and the woman in blue
will not eschew this present presence
an essence of being
heart ringing
eyes singing
an eternal prayer
of life
Ain't Got No Life-- I Got Life:
Viva Nina Simone
I listen to Nina Simone singing
and my heart begins ringing bells
and my chest swells
with sighs
and peace when i rise
carrying hope and no lies
today i say
breath with awareness
and i may
breathe with life
more deeply
and i may
walk life
climbing steeply
on the mountain that exists and
is meaning
and i, connected to it,
and you, and the woman in blue
will not eschew this present presence
an essence of being
heart ringing
eyes singing
an eternal prayer
of life
Ain't Got No Life-- I Got Life:
Viva Nina Simone
Hola! primera vez!
Buenos-
First blog from Madrid, Spain
Today it is cold, rain-snow...!
SKYPE me: RLGZanmi
Write me: Rebecca L. Gorley
c/o Carmen Bautista Moreno
Calle Manuel No. 7 Bajo C
D.P. 28015 Madrid, ESPANA
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