cold gray monday day

i cursed on the way to school and on the way back, about 10 hours later- walking, uphill, both ways for a solid 30 minutes in 6* celsius, which is pretty close to 40* fahrenheit ...the kicker is the wind

the key is: home

while each moment i could have been breathing in and reciting a gatha:
I have arrived
I am home
I breathe
I am here

no, i was not there nor was i doin that when i was walking briskly past the stores and crowds, eyes peeled on the path ahead knowing that each step in the journey was where i was at-

back to the key part: home

i have a place to come home to, where it is warm (unless Carmen is airing out the house w/ all the windows open no matter the temperature), where i laugh and feel filled with this real friendship, named for years and years: love

Emily, Mel, Caroline are three incredible women from Baylor- and you who read this must know that without them i would be sinking! not that i do not value the be-able-to-do-it-find-it on my own dealio but i mean, these are the kind of folks you write to mom and dad about and say, yea, i got some angels and i got somebody in the corner with the washcloth and neosporen and they're keepin me flyin and carin' for me, for real, and as a dear friend Katie Meyer would say... "big time"

i'm learning that: have angels, have corner folks

learn to breathe and move on, be present
this idea keeps knockin on my door, sometimes i answer and let present moment imbue my spirit
other times i say, fuck it and am just mindless-reckless

PERO, i am filled with love and hope because i've been given it-

jenn lay's blog once read: i am all that i have received, ...and i feel that now, so, perhaps a sentimental post but here it is and adjusting especially with certain life-torques can be tough, tricky, sticky...


thats all i got, with love, ZANMI