untitled/4

'of what have i ever been afraid'

words and lines stream
thru the mind like comets in the skies
vibrant dreams regale like ribbons
like we are children
and our mothers talk about us
and one mother clutches
thoughts inside her throat
words she could never say
out loud

about belief, about trust
trusting another to come through
to be there
to meet her child in the pouring rain
afterschool
before cell phones, texts
faith that good-bye was just "so long"

to trust is risk, refined courage showing up at the door step of
the house of trial and error
how sure can one be
of arrival, of word and of body
of understanding as recourse

mother let go and trusted
she would be okay, afterschool
play viola and piano and
take the carpool, van, home

with you
that is the trouble
you
never
came through

i am not afraid
but i do not trust you

untitled/3

i am no idol
i am no ideal
i am more than expectation
i am sunshine burning miracle child of star promise
i am mystical and hypnotic, other worldly
i am shaman
i am of family
i am of stretching willingness
i am of patient understanding
i am not perfect
i am alive, knowing sometimes, all the time, all i can do is keep breathing
i am consumer
i am more than the last conversation
i am by, for and with myself
i am working on self-care, self-awareness, self-strength
i am climbing everyday
i am on a bicycle
i am behind a computer, checking email
i am trying
i am listening to requests, wants, needs, hopes
i am navigating through contradictions
i am zanmi, zanmi, zanmi, zanmi. Friend.
i am trying
i am rising and breaking like blossom
i am nothing much
i am along the continuum, snailing along the arc
i am ebb and flow
i am standing in the ocean of it all, landlocked
i am wishing, hoping, sweating in prayer
i am remembering to give thanks
i am wondering where is there no earthquake, no tremor ,... the desiderata?!
i am trying to understand you
i am pulled and pushed by forces beyond my control
i am in very little control
i am listening to Nina, Ani, Tracy, Billie, Asalah
i am part Ayisen, Senegalese, anglais, Lebanese, blowing around the world like a breeze
i am stories
i am humbled
i am writing (again)
i am in need of return
i am remembering constant care and consideration
i am anticipating a later arrival
i am searching and attempting discovery
i am invoking spirits: Gibran, Lorde, Rilke, Ginsberg, Malcolm, 2Pac, Nina... Nina...
i am whatever, it does not matter
i am casting visions and believing in recreation, regeneration

i am containing multitudes---

i am asking,
who are You?

untitled/2

i'm in meetings all day
she tells her calendar
as if blinking would,
could change
all the arranging
and decision making
and importance
the world is a beautiful place if
you don't mind a few dead minds
in the higher places

the world is a beautiful place,
if it has
momentum,
purpose
like it is all going somewhere
not up some position
and cash dollar ladder
but across an ocean of
circles of life
lives
cycles, chains and unrestrained
hungers
mother nature hugging darwin
for presenting one theory
on why it all is the way it is
or some of it
some of the time

this, this, this
sense of duty, school
assignments, deadlines
graduation, benchmarks
heavy undulations
theme park rocking ship
will end, does end
and then...

oh, burp and life
goes on, like naps after yawns
applause after song
sing, singing, i'm still singing
where am i belonging
post-now
post, as in fence
outside the black tipped iron gates
never seen a beast so well groomed
teeth polished and claws
manicured

she said:it is better to speak
remembering we were never
meant to survive.

in the mouth of the dragon of america
in the gates of the beast of ( ***)

(exhale dissidence
walk resistance
faith in persistence
movement of jah people)

and he said:
everything little thing is gonna be alright!

breathe and move on.
move on and breathe.



influences-
A. Lorde and B. Marley, L. Ferlinghetti

untitled/1

if it were voices instead of colors...
there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.

holding it all,
i try, i
close my eyes
to rest from dreams
let sleep
sew the seams
faded fabrics
torn and frayed pieces
like pages in notebooks
bound by discovery

rest to recover
peeling back, layer by layer
an orange rind, a spiral
peel back, layer by layer
recover from
the daily nose to the grindstone
america, i've given you everything and now i am nothing
recover, my dreams
america, i'm putting my queer shoulder to wheel
an act with faith that i never fall apart
because i never fall together
peeling back to discover
silient pieces
peeling back the rind, to
unwind the grind and grow
towards someone kind
-.-
ebb and flow is (all i know)
seek to understand
rise for air
rise like water up
tree trunks
out branches of forests
where everything is blooming most recklessly
bursting in vibrant colors
she said-
we owe it to ourselves to recreate ourselves
and find a different if not better way to live
peel back, layer, peel back
the rind, unwind the grind
and walk into the guest house
everymorning a new arrival
another piece, another
fray and faded piece
wanting to belong to something greater
community, collective
belong belong belong,
see me, let me live with purpose
my dignity is here
amidst bread and poetry
in open veins that do not end in me
sitting here sewing
patchwork pieces
seam by seam
close my eyes to rest from dreams
colors and shrieking voices
vision, peace
accompany ( ...) as we move through the world
peace,
thought
peace,
word
peace,
face
peace,
choice
peace,

ebb and flow is all i know
peace
peel back, layers
awareness burns like sunshine
scorching and blinding and guiding
you would rather throw stones
at a mirror?
i am the mirror, here are the stones

blink and breathe
rest, closed eye reprieve

hope in rest
dream awakens with you
rising like the sun
burning with duty, dignity
along the ebb and flow
(all i know)

serenity? perhaps
part of a greater community? perhaps
peace by piece
peace by piece

4/27

influences by
r.m. rilke, j. rumi, b. iver, j. smith, t.n. hanh, r.dalton, a. ginsberg, m. mbaye

otra vez

life moves
people move through life
in circles
square one is another stone
another step
along the pathway of universal highways
do not try and put your hand out
as soon as you reach to grab
the object crumbles like
seashell to sand
that is time for you
time tells
time heals
time reveals
time ticks and people rush
to be less late
but is it not all fate
it is what it is
it happens
tug and war of ebb and flow
you go and what happens after that
life will show
you
it's when we eschew
the process
which we come out with so and so product
that we conduct hysteric theatricals
and forget the circles
holding on to every thing and every one
so tightly
chokes and crumbles vitality
freedom in every step:pratimoksha
whispers, let go
with a smile of faith
just like me, just like you
we shall each carry on



inspired by Kahlil Gibran (translated):
But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.