ithinkfast
i b l i n k
slowww
now, i know
in flesh and bone
words you spoke
about to keep cosas* close and keep ojos**
on what is most
valuable robbable
probable too if
yr in a orange camel hippy skirt
and a bakpak
a silent costly attack
no physical harm
just a stealthy prob'ly professional arm
and aim
to gain green and
yea
you
did
that
phew, bitter spat, ...done.
who won? no, this is no game
this is a lesson i hope you dont shun
watch your time watch your step
watch your dime watch yr rep
it can slip and slide, grab and go
in 10 seconds, you know?
back in piso
apartamento, bajo C
and telling Carmen, lo siento please
i need new keys
and thank you
for your help
i change my clothes and feel sweat
under where their armpits are and i think
and blink
OK,
this
was
all
---
*cosas- things
* ojos- eyes
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
what have you done lately?
Saturday afternoon, March 28, already.
First eight hours of sleep in a long time. Finally getting some headway on "American details"... but then I scroll this list quickly in my mind and think, eh, mas o menos. Not so much, but getting there.
Here in Madrid, for the weekend, which is Nice! Just to enjoy the weather and local familiar sights (not sounds so much- traffic, city bustle, construction...) but, to just have a bed and room of my own. This last week has been busier than usual, with a second round of midterms and good grades that affirm hard work and dedication to studies.
I am most of how I've caught up to the Arabic II class. Reading, writing, speaking- little by little (aschweya aschweya) I learn a new beautiful language and another way in which millions of people express themselves. From speaking Creole, Spanish, English, now Arabic and a little French, the importance and relevance of understanding language and context, lexicon and diction mmm, seems innumerable. I think of water and how various streams run in and connect, then too, follow their own bends and wash away rocks and pick up mud... ideas of connectedness and uniqueness. These abstract thoughts dance like lightning bugs on a summer night, just after dinner and watermelon.
I look out my window, the sun bright against stones and bricks of the building across the street. Soon, I have to go out into my neighborhood, meaning just step outside and observe, write, interview people/business owners for an anthropology study/project/paper on the dynamics of my neighborhood. I've been dilatory with the assignment so after this - I gotta make like a tree and leaf. Which, brings me to some more good news ;)
Earlier I mentioned how elated I am in my Arabic class, the professor, Muhsin Al-Ramli is fantastic! He is a poet and writer from Iraq... Al Jazeera is coming to our class on Monday to video-interview him while teaching. He was the first to translate Don Quixote from Spanish to Arabic and is a kateeb meshoor (famous writer) around the world. Because I'm in this class I've connected with students from Saudi Arabia- and we laugh over my pronunciations and this past week two sweet friends took me out to lunch at a (mumtaz! fantastic) Lebanese restaurant. If you know me, I am all about the Lebanese cuisine! mmm.
My amigas, Doaa and Reemo are so sweet! Some folks I heard from before I left Madrid said, oh its near impossible to break into the full-time student or non-American cliques at SLU Madrid- but I feel I have broken those boundaries. I know a handful of full time students, a couple Spaniards, and I try and branch out, look for and go with the similarities, the common humanity and yes, of course, they are varieties and differences, unique facets of each of us- but ..."i continue to reach upward".
This is life giving.
Also! Wednesday morning I received and e-mail from a female English teacher at SLU Madrid looking for a female student to have a conversation in English with a female Spaniard (15 y. old). I thought about it, first, and then replied within the next few minutes, Yes! I would love to take this opportunity. I had my first English conversation session with this intelligent, bright young student! In this way, I feel more connected to authentic Madrid-Spanish life. I went to her home, we talked in her room. I listened and asked questions about her school, life, etc. These human to human connections are beautiful, invaluable.
This is life giving.
It can be easy to judge and criticize. In conversation last night over this topic, of course it is easier to see how myself and person V are different. By whatever means visual, physical, emotional, mental abilities/details etc. carve out a gap and then put a glass lid over to solidify such characterization and divide. But, no matter what language, what size, height, smell- we must learn to listen, respect, understand and love or we will perish as fools (MLK infusion). This is not a too high human philosophy this is reality, step by step. I write it because I am learning it, and squirming to live it.
No doubt, no doubt. I am positively influenced, and seek to learn and understand by any all and non stimuli. Silence and noise. What are my filters? Biases? Prejudices? I can always ask questions. And as I continue on, I strive to humbly feel awareness, to imbibe it and pee it out- absorbing the nutrients and purities and releasing it...
On the last note, a bit quirky but involving a brief story with the universal health care system in Spain (Madrid, specifically) - I had this awful rash, on my right ankle, under my armpits and en la zona intima- kind of sweat gland areas you could say, and I went to the hospital yesterday with a friend who is fluent in Spanish, English (French and a couple other languages) and we waited for about 2 1/2 for a brief brief brief consult- where the doctor looked at the rash patch of my elbow joint (inside area) and next thing you know I was getting a shot in my lower left back- yes, almost where you'd find the derriere. So, haha, I am very happy to share with you that- I am better already! And Insha'Allah do not have to go back on Monday for more waiting and (free) care.
And last night, I met my friend Polo- a fantastic young man (ok, he's 22!) but I met him 4ish years ago in Port-au-Prince Haiti, on an incredible, serene mountain called Gwojean. He's been studying philosophy, politics and business systems in Malaga (a southern area of Spain). He came to Madrid for a conference today... and last night we met up for a little bit and Polo, it was so great to be with you, ti zanmi Polo! Wow, it really did mean so so much to connect with an old, deep friend. Just to share common ground and understanding of what we've seen, felt, lived before... thank you Polo.
Well, I do believe that is all the babble baddle I have saddled, I gotta sciddadle and riddle the raddles in my neighborhood- play the fiddle and chew the faddle. That kind of thing.
Give me a email ring song sing or a pong ping fling of anything-
love you always, with peace
RL Gorley
First eight hours of sleep in a long time. Finally getting some headway on "American details"... but then I scroll this list quickly in my mind and think, eh, mas o menos. Not so much, but getting there.
Here in Madrid, for the weekend, which is Nice! Just to enjoy the weather and local familiar sights (not sounds so much- traffic, city bustle, construction...) but, to just have a bed and room of my own. This last week has been busier than usual, with a second round of midterms and good grades that affirm hard work and dedication to studies.
I am most of how I've caught up to the Arabic II class. Reading, writing, speaking- little by little (aschweya aschweya) I learn a new beautiful language and another way in which millions of people express themselves. From speaking Creole, Spanish, English, now Arabic and a little French, the importance and relevance of understanding language and context, lexicon and diction mmm, seems innumerable. I think of water and how various streams run in and connect, then too, follow their own bends and wash away rocks and pick up mud... ideas of connectedness and uniqueness. These abstract thoughts dance like lightning bugs on a summer night, just after dinner and watermelon.
I look out my window, the sun bright against stones and bricks of the building across the street. Soon, I have to go out into my neighborhood, meaning just step outside and observe, write, interview people/business owners for an anthropology study/project/paper on the dynamics of my neighborhood. I've been dilatory with the assignment so after this - I gotta make like a tree and leaf. Which, brings me to some more good news ;)
Earlier I mentioned how elated I am in my Arabic class, the professor, Muhsin Al-Ramli is fantastic! He is a poet and writer from Iraq... Al Jazeera is coming to our class on Monday to video-interview him while teaching. He was the first to translate Don Quixote from Spanish to Arabic and is a kateeb meshoor (famous writer) around the world. Because I'm in this class I've connected with students from Saudi Arabia- and we laugh over my pronunciations and this past week two sweet friends took me out to lunch at a (mumtaz! fantastic) Lebanese restaurant. If you know me, I am all about the Lebanese cuisine! mmm.
My amigas, Doaa and Reemo are so sweet! Some folks I heard from before I left Madrid said, oh its near impossible to break into the full-time student or non-American cliques at SLU Madrid- but I feel I have broken those boundaries. I know a handful of full time students, a couple Spaniards, and I try and branch out, look for and go with the similarities, the common humanity and yes, of course, they are varieties and differences, unique facets of each of us- but ..."i continue to reach upward".
This is life giving.
Also! Wednesday morning I received and e-mail from a female English teacher at SLU Madrid looking for a female student to have a conversation in English with a female Spaniard (15 y. old). I thought about it, first, and then replied within the next few minutes, Yes! I would love to take this opportunity. I had my first English conversation session with this intelligent, bright young student! In this way, I feel more connected to authentic Madrid-Spanish life. I went to her home, we talked in her room. I listened and asked questions about her school, life, etc. These human to human connections are beautiful, invaluable.
This is life giving.
It can be easy to judge and criticize. In conversation last night over this topic, of course it is easier to see how myself and person V are different. By whatever means visual, physical, emotional, mental abilities/details etc. carve out a gap and then put a glass lid over to solidify such characterization and divide. But, no matter what language, what size, height, smell- we must learn to listen, respect, understand and love or we will perish as fools (MLK infusion). This is not a too high human philosophy this is reality, step by step. I write it because I am learning it, and squirming to live it.
No doubt, no doubt. I am positively influenced, and seek to learn and understand by any all and non stimuli. Silence and noise. What are my filters? Biases? Prejudices? I can always ask questions. And as I continue on, I strive to humbly feel awareness, to imbibe it and pee it out- absorbing the nutrients and purities and releasing it...
On the last note, a bit quirky but involving a brief story with the universal health care system in Spain (Madrid, specifically) - I had this awful rash, on my right ankle, under my armpits and en la zona intima- kind of sweat gland areas you could say, and I went to the hospital yesterday with a friend who is fluent in Spanish, English (French and a couple other languages) and we waited for about 2 1/2 for a brief brief brief consult- where the doctor looked at the rash patch of my elbow joint (inside area) and next thing you know I was getting a shot in my lower left back- yes, almost where you'd find the derriere. So, haha, I am very happy to share with you that- I am better already! And Insha'Allah do not have to go back on Monday for more waiting and (free) care.
And last night, I met my friend Polo- a fantastic young man (ok, he's 22!) but I met him 4ish years ago in Port-au-Prince Haiti, on an incredible, serene mountain called Gwojean. He's been studying philosophy, politics and business systems in Malaga (a southern area of Spain). He came to Madrid for a conference today... and last night we met up for a little bit and Polo, it was so great to be with you, ti zanmi Polo! Wow, it really did mean so so much to connect with an old, deep friend. Just to share common ground and understanding of what we've seen, felt, lived before... thank you Polo.
Well, I do believe that is all the babble baddle I have saddled, I gotta sciddadle and riddle the raddles in my neighborhood- play the fiddle and chew the faddle. That kind of thing.
Give me a email ring song sing or a pong ping fling of anything-
love you always, with peace
RL Gorley
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Kayfe al-hal?
In recent blogger news, RL Gorley's bad dilatory blogging sets record for having the least entries in March!
Perhaps a unique way of starting and nudging a mindful apology...
an explanation would be a chimney smoking with excuses
So, what have I been doing? How am I?
Yea, I'm cool. Things are floating and flowing right along. I realize more and more that having a plan for this summer and making certain decisions is important. "America Details" as I refer to it. But, according to my nature, I'm just not going to think about that right now and save it for later. Since, I have been saving writing on this web blog page for way to wog dog long.
Over Spring Break I traveled to Istanbul Turkey. Here's how I remember and am able to share it with you: Islam, beautiful mosques, calls to prayer, cold grayish weather, positive energy in group, handmade rugs and carpets from the hands of women in deep Turkey, wanting to go to Ephesus and Cappadochia, liking the hostel (Antique Hostel) and having fun with the staff, being invited to a late night dinner and learning about what serving for the Turkish army was like, meeting SWEET people/travelers- one female who taught in Seoul, Korea for three years (had just left), a cool Aussie couple traveling the world, ...great water pipe in Istanbul, fantastic baklava and apple tea, food in general was tasty... I studied Arabic every day, did some writing, realized a few new things about myself (vague but I mean I cannot spill everything at once!)... good trip, was welcomed back to a warm sunny Madrid.
A short week followed due to a Spanish Catholic holiday on Thursday (March 19). Oh yea, and it was my birthday. I didn't really feel like telling anyone or making a deal about it, but of course, I wanted people to magically and specially honor my day of fresh 21 passage or something... kind of. It was cool. My roommates got me a lovely flower plant which brings me joy as it sits on my desk - for now, alive. No it's cool, it will keep living. I've got a green thumb. And a sweet treat and a card and of course, the birthday song. So, definitely smiling on my birthday. BUT, if you are reading this and you're not a random person flipping thru blogspot bloggers, but like, I know you- trust me, I missed you, I still do. But I prefer using the word, remember, so I remember you. And eso es. This is the case. Friends and family know. They just know. A certain degree of honor, respect, love, feeling, comfort, understanding, flexibility and acceptance... I am reminded of how precious you are, you friend, you family member. Please know I smile with loving appreciation for you. That's not to say people here aren't cool or aren't nice or aren't capable of loving- it is just different, like a not yet clicked-in seat belt. Hm.
And then Wednesday night rolled around the bend and my roommates and I headed with our backpacks and temp belongings to Barcelona! Beautiful, artistic, big, musical, less cosmopolitan, bicycle friendly, extraordinary parks and museum filled Barcelona! Wow, I did my darndest to walk all over the city. Some highlights: Mount Juic, the view from (what seemed to be the highest point possible- wow, alot of trekking that day) ...view from the castle... walking over/by the myriad boats and having the water in sight, Picasso museum, walking by the Miro museum and the National Art Museum of Catalunya, Placa Espania, understanding the lay out of the city, for metro, bikers, walkers, rollerbladers, cars and autobuses! City planning! Reminded me of a public policy class I took freshman year... and filled me with hope to be part of restructuring, designing, working with people and needs of and within a city for more sustainable, healthy, viable options for traveling, moving about...
And usually one mentions in these updates all the rosy, shiny stuff. Well here comes the opposite... the bus ride was 8 hours there, 8 hours back. And the night before, ehh didn't exactly sleep. So, I find myself here, Tuesday, one week as a 21 yr old and dipping under my covers at 6pm hoping a nap will meet my body's desire to sleep, to rest up! SLU Madrid (university I go to here) had 2 rounds of midterms and finals. plus papers, projects peppered in there... so, I'm a busy bee these days. Which is okay once I get started on things. Poco a poco. You know how it is.
For now, know that I'm joy filled and just being myself. Open and growing and loving you always.
Perhaps a unique way of starting and nudging a mindful apology...
an explanation would be a chimney smoking with excuses
So, what have I been doing? How am I?
Yea, I'm cool. Things are floating and flowing right along. I realize more and more that having a plan for this summer and making certain decisions is important. "America Details" as I refer to it. But, according to my nature, I'm just not going to think about that right now and save it for later. Since, I have been saving writing on this web blog page for way to wog dog long.
Over Spring Break I traveled to Istanbul Turkey. Here's how I remember and am able to share it with you: Islam, beautiful mosques, calls to prayer, cold grayish weather, positive energy in group, handmade rugs and carpets from the hands of women in deep Turkey, wanting to go to Ephesus and Cappadochia, liking the hostel (Antique Hostel) and having fun with the staff, being invited to a late night dinner and learning about what serving for the Turkish army was like, meeting SWEET people/travelers- one female who taught in Seoul, Korea for three years (had just left), a cool Aussie couple traveling the world, ...great water pipe in Istanbul, fantastic baklava and apple tea, food in general was tasty... I studied Arabic every day, did some writing, realized a few new things about myself (vague but I mean I cannot spill everything at once!)... good trip, was welcomed back to a warm sunny Madrid.
A short week followed due to a Spanish Catholic holiday on Thursday (March 19). Oh yea, and it was my birthday. I didn't really feel like telling anyone or making a deal about it, but of course, I wanted people to magically and specially honor my day of fresh 21 passage or something... kind of. It was cool. My roommates got me a lovely flower plant which brings me joy as it sits on my desk - for now, alive. No it's cool, it will keep living. I've got a green thumb. And a sweet treat and a card and of course, the birthday song. So, definitely smiling on my birthday. BUT, if you are reading this and you're not a random person flipping thru blogspot bloggers, but like, I know you- trust me, I missed you, I still do. But I prefer using the word, remember, so I remember you. And eso es. This is the case. Friends and family know. They just know. A certain degree of honor, respect, love, feeling, comfort, understanding, flexibility and acceptance... I am reminded of how precious you are, you friend, you family member. Please know I smile with loving appreciation for you. That's not to say people here aren't cool or aren't nice or aren't capable of loving- it is just different, like a not yet clicked-in seat belt. Hm.
And then Wednesday night rolled around the bend and my roommates and I headed with our backpacks and temp belongings to Barcelona! Beautiful, artistic, big, musical, less cosmopolitan, bicycle friendly, extraordinary parks and museum filled Barcelona! Wow, I did my darndest to walk all over the city. Some highlights: Mount Juic, the view from (what seemed to be the highest point possible- wow, alot of trekking that day) ...view from the castle... walking over/by the myriad boats and having the water in sight, Picasso museum, walking by the Miro museum and the National Art Museum of Catalunya, Placa Espania, understanding the lay out of the city, for metro, bikers, walkers, rollerbladers, cars and autobuses! City planning! Reminded me of a public policy class I took freshman year... and filled me with hope to be part of restructuring, designing, working with people and needs of and within a city for more sustainable, healthy, viable options for traveling, moving about...
And usually one mentions in these updates all the rosy, shiny stuff. Well here comes the opposite... the bus ride was 8 hours there, 8 hours back. And the night before, ehh didn't exactly sleep. So, I find myself here, Tuesday, one week as a 21 yr old and dipping under my covers at 6pm hoping a nap will meet my body's desire to sleep, to rest up! SLU Madrid (university I go to here) had 2 rounds of midterms and finals. plus papers, projects peppered in there... so, I'm a busy bee these days. Which is okay once I get started on things. Poco a poco. You know how it is.
For now, know that I'm joy filled and just being myself. Open and growing and loving you always.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
nature calls
Thursday, class and then, weekend starts at 2pm. Rather quaint.
Friday sunny afternoons invite me to park partake, but not slake- from the fountain.
Which has a beautiful grandmother tree, sagacious and strong around a pond bend.
Walking to Retiro park, at night, it is closed. People inside search for gate hiatus! Yikes!
Conversations follow with lower temperatures and Saturday morning tick tock rock rolls around and it is not the sound of midnight but the cold fright of night that brings me back to the flat.
Saturday and to El Escorial with Roberta! Took the Renfe train and it took an hour to gain the distance from Madrid to this outer-metropolis... where
we waited in line and found no bliss
so soon dismissed El Palacio-Monasterio
and kissed 10 euors back
into our pockets
and walked around, found our way back
through the forest park
and a Trout-Dillard holy moment
manifested and the concrete jungle was
arrested and tested
over its nest-ability
and what appealed-tah-me
was the natural reality
of
present
moment
breath
a whirling wind perspective wrapping around and freeing me to bound
profoundly
in the be-ing
Train back to Madrid. hemph, more concrete jungle RAWR! and yet
a Chmiel vibe did preside and peace did not hide it began to reside, again
Continuum, returning, recreating-
Remembering
A friend once gave me a quote that mentioned mountains, how the mountains just exist. Yes, right, i will and do acknowledge my responsibilities and duties as student, as tal tal tal... but, the mountains, the seas, the trees...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Breath!
Week highlights before I scoot off to class:
beautiful weather is a feather
in my cap
62 and blue
skies
eyes open and smiling
meeting a zanmi
in the park and eating
a sandwich
candy
sunshine
listening to wake up alarms
of people who set them and
hit them
and dont
wake
up
wearing out shoes
literally, 3 pair now
gone and somehow
somewhere need to find some new ones
dream i played soccer and had to buy all new gear
in the process, i bought overalls
remembering people on/from way to school to write in notebook: two Chinese girls, the produce man by guzman el bueno, what people think on the metro, couples, street sweepers, newspaper sellers, shop owners stepping out for a smoke break or to look into their store
celebrating end of midterms are our [my Piso Amigas (apartment friends) and my] favorite local bar: Cafe Sin Nombre. Which involved tequila on the house... or paid for by a Spanish guy named Javier. Yea.
and today is thursday, last day of the week for classes.
PEACE
beautiful weather is a feather
in my cap
62 and blue
skies
eyes open and smiling
meeting a zanmi
in the park and eating
a sandwich
candy
sunshine
listening to wake up alarms
of people who set them and
hit them
and dont
wake
up
wearing out shoes
literally, 3 pair now
gone and somehow
somewhere need to find some new ones
dream i played soccer and had to buy all new gear
in the process, i bought overalls
remembering people on/from way to school to write in notebook: two Chinese girls, the produce man by guzman el bueno, what people think on the metro, couples, street sweepers, newspaper sellers, shop owners stepping out for a smoke break or to look into their store
celebrating end of midterms are our [my Piso Amigas (apartment friends) and my] favorite local bar: Cafe Sin Nombre. Which involved tequila on the house... or paid for by a Spanish guy named Javier. Yea.
and today is thursday, last day of the week for classes.
PEACE
Monday, February 23, 2009
Procrastination
Who ever thought midterms would just be so... unappealing?
At SLU Madrid, I guess taking upper level classes allowed me to dodge the "midterm" nusance, even a comprehensive final or 2 and so forth... to those teachers, thank you!
It's just that I am the kinda person who will offer: let me tell you what is meaningful to me, what I really took away from (yr) the class-
Yea, currently I have a philosophy/ethics midterm and in the last ethics class i was in, well, it did not fare too well- hence, the catalyst (one of three) which led me to drop the course from my schedule a year ago. So, now, it returns. Even though the essay based test will cover Nietzsche and Ruth Benedict, Hobbes and Rouseau, even my cafe con leche brain (plus raisins and soy crackers) is still, just not feeling it...
Today was beautiful, for a Monday in februrary. I'm going to miss this kind of, take off your layers or start sweating, spring.
You know, my dad was in Madrid for 2 days this weekend, it was fantastic. He listened to me ramble on and we philosophized and caught up and just it was teriffic. His motto was- lets do what you usually do around Madrid. So, it was a big walking-exploring weekend, caught alot of great sights in Plaza Mayor (in Sol) but definitely chilled and enjoyed the weekend. I forgot to mention below in previous blog about Dad Weekend, that Lucas (from a neighborhood restaurant/bar) gave Dad and I FREE Blue Shots! Yes- my dad and I drank these blue shots. It was fun. Thanks Lucas. And, of course, Dad. I love you Padre!
I also wanted to saythat I'm aware of how selfish-self absorbed I'm evolving into. In terms of what I can chose/control/decide... i feel freedom but sometimes not, from my conscience. Before you get all imaginative about what things I'm doing- I think it is just that, I'm here in Madrid- trying to live, have meaning, be present, do the school thing (A on history midterm- hope this trend continues)... sitting here, I want to provide you with a concrete something- but, know that I feel selfish-self absorbed
Gratitude/appreciation, patience, kindness, care of/for the beggars/poor on the streets, the handicapped, the apparent desperate woman on the metro pleading 'ayudame porfavor' ...
you know its like, i will do an action, or think something and then later- i'll remember or be reminded and think, did I really do/not do that? Did I really not look at that person and or not give them money or sit with them or ...
Some of you have asked, if I am OK, ...from reading my blogs. And, that question is not new. In fact, from my poetry and word-expressions, people often thought it was (and therefore I was) dark, or some maudlin, or depressed or dreary-dismal person. I want to say a couple of things.
One, yea, I'm well. Two, I think its important to be honest (my poetry has definitly incorporated alot of injustice-oppression). Three, I dont esteem lying to cover up weakness, pain, sorrow, anger, frustration. ...So, in terms of me- yea, thank you for reading, thank you caring. Just because I'm a bloggerin Madrid doesn't mean things are happy-go-lucky. I would not want them to be.
I was recently informed by my roommate that I am "very sensitive. too sensitive" and yea, I took that kinda deep, but after a dear friend invited perspective back for me to imbibe I mean here's the thing:
I am a collection of experiences, people, memories, biology, values, anything, everything, and nothing-
I am learning, falling, following, piecing things together... poco a poco
Sometimes home here is hard, sometimes loving is hard, I forgot what I am capable of, I have to remind myself to open the windows and let perspective blow in and let the day's air refresh these lungs
I haven't been writing like normal, and that effects my disposition. I'm also on a prescription for my acne (YA which totally still is on my face ... guhh), and who knows how that is affecting me -
Long post, right. Well. I'll close: in summary (for the scrollers, I know yoube out derr)... I'm seeking, trying, taking things step by step. I still listen to Nina Simone and Jimi Hendrix, Davis and T. Chapman, classical guitar, Yo Yo Ma, and Bob- and sometimes I go without music to school. Whatever, I try and take opportunities to learn.
I guess now, I should take one of those opps which exists in Philosophy, and (will manifest in exam form tomorrow)...
In hope and confusion
love and laughterå
memory and candlelight
interbeing and presence
ZANMI
At SLU Madrid, I guess taking upper level classes allowed me to dodge the "midterm" nusance, even a comprehensive final or 2 and so forth... to those teachers, thank you!
It's just that I am the kinda person who will offer: let me tell you what is meaningful to me, what I really took away from (yr) the class-
Yea, currently I have a philosophy/ethics midterm and in the last ethics class i was in, well, it did not fare too well- hence, the catalyst (one of three) which led me to drop the course from my schedule a year ago. So, now, it returns. Even though the essay based test will cover Nietzsche and Ruth Benedict, Hobbes and Rouseau, even my cafe con leche brain (plus raisins and soy crackers) is still, just not feeling it...
Today was beautiful, for a Monday in februrary. I'm going to miss this kind of, take off your layers or start sweating, spring.
You know, my dad was in Madrid for 2 days this weekend, it was fantastic. He listened to me ramble on and we philosophized and caught up and just it was teriffic. His motto was- lets do what you usually do around Madrid. So, it was a big walking-exploring weekend, caught alot of great sights in Plaza Mayor (in Sol) but definitely chilled and enjoyed the weekend. I forgot to mention below in previous blog about Dad Weekend, that Lucas (from a neighborhood restaurant/bar) gave Dad and I FREE Blue Shots! Yes- my dad and I drank these blue shots. It was fun. Thanks Lucas. And, of course, Dad. I love you Padre!
I also wanted to saythat I'm aware of how selfish-self absorbed I'm evolving into. In terms of what I can chose/control/decide... i feel freedom but sometimes not, from my conscience. Before you get all imaginative about what things I'm doing- I think it is just that, I'm here in Madrid- trying to live, have meaning, be present, do the school thing (A on history midterm- hope this trend continues)... sitting here, I want to provide you with a concrete something- but, know that I feel selfish-self absorbed
Gratitude/appreciation, patience, kindness, care of/for the beggars/poor on the streets, the handicapped, the apparent desperate woman on the metro pleading 'ayudame porfavor' ...
you know its like, i will do an action, or think something and then later- i'll remember or be reminded and think, did I really do/not do that? Did I really not look at that person and or not give them money or sit with them or ...
Some of you have asked, if I am OK, ...from reading my blogs. And, that question is not new. In fact, from my poetry and word-expressions, people often thought it was (and therefore I was) dark, or some maudlin, or depressed or dreary-dismal person. I want to say a couple of things.
One, yea, I'm well. Two, I think its important to be honest (my poetry has definitly incorporated alot of injustice-oppression). Three, I dont esteem lying to cover up weakness, pain, sorrow, anger, frustration. ...So, in terms of me- yea, thank you for reading, thank you caring. Just because I'm a bloggerin Madrid doesn't mean things are happy-go-lucky. I would not want them to be.
I was recently informed by my roommate that I am "very sensitive. too sensitive" and yea, I took that kinda deep, but after a dear friend invited perspective back for me to imbibe I mean here's the thing:
I am a collection of experiences, people, memories, biology, values, anything, everything, and nothing-
I am learning, falling, following, piecing things together... poco a poco
Sometimes home here is hard, sometimes loving is hard, I forgot what I am capable of, I have to remind myself to open the windows and let perspective blow in and let the day's air refresh these lungs
I haven't been writing like normal, and that effects my disposition. I'm also on a prescription for my acne (YA which totally still is on my face ... guhh), and who knows how that is affecting me -
Long post, right. Well. I'll close: in summary (for the scrollers, I know yoube out derr)... I'm seeking, trying, taking things step by step. I still listen to Nina Simone and Jimi Hendrix, Davis and T. Chapman, classical guitar, Yo Yo Ma, and Bob- and sometimes I go without music to school. Whatever, I try and take opportunities to learn.
I guess now, I should take one of those opps which exists in Philosophy, and (will manifest in exam form tomorrow)...
In hope and confusion
love and laughterå
memory and candlelight
interbeing and presence
ZANMI
Saturday, February 21, 2009
11 dias despues.../11 days later
All i can say: the vicissitudes
ocean waves lapping on the shore of eternity, neither are completely constant
sand, waves, moon, living creatures, stones, foot prints
resound impermanence in yr heart like a shell held to yr ear
I wear the continuum on a hemp necklace and I still do not breathe and engage mindfulness as I need...
I am well, I feel embraced in Madrid because of new friends and sunshine. Dad flew into Madrid this weekend and instead of going through museums and palaces and doing the "tourist" stuff, he said: I just want to do what's important to you.
Awesome. Dad, I love you. So, Saturday afternoon and on we went out for a great pizza lunch, then walked around Madrid until dinner. We enjoyed taking in sights, cruised around in Sol for awhile... talked about chocolate and didn't find what we were looking for... not today at least.
Hopefully will post up pictures tomorrow, or after this upcoming heavy midterms week passes. Oh, I would rather be out! Dancing all night or eating churros! Jaja, no big deal. Poco a poco...
In recent news: I went to a talk held by 2003 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Shirin Ebadi- a lawyer and judge from Iran known for her women's and humans rights work. She has written a memoir (highly recommend), Iran Awakening... and after hearing her speak (Farsi- then, translated into Spanish)- I felt compelled to thank her and see her in person. Above/below the text is a photo of us...
Well, blog break is over now- back to Arabic studies.
Seeking to understand, be real, live simply and honestly
Questioning (most) everything and remembering you-
Zanmi
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