poem/12

(this is rambling idiocy not a poem)


reading posts from a year ago
seems to locate me square one
lost, at times, lonely
confused
and curious how to stretch
myself beyond comfort into experience

what changes?
everything and nothing
generalizations swoop
and a head splits
when the fissures in winter
pull farther apart
justification: they will rescind
when the chill wind dies down
and such and such happens
and i do this
and go here
and make the most out of
and forgive and pray and humble
myself into one interconnected
human who used to believe in a resurrected
man
and now
my heart beat's a shout
every hour devout serenity
and now
courage
and then
wisdom
and the twelve steps is not vertical
its circular, continuum
and not in a vacuum

still i stand on square one
one one one one one
chance, love, world, hope, life

dont read this
do not
it is babble
there is no enlightenment
just a rocky ramble down the mountain
burning feet and freezing hands
the body wants to understand
and walk and talk and stride
along a ride like a boomerang
leaving knowing
i will return home
home is me with you
it is what it is
that you eschew
the bird that never flew
the one that sat in the nest
whose squabble would not rest
and wings had to test
every wind, way, branch and feather

and i am her kind
ha
perched on the line
pecking a border design
just before i find
a way to leave the
square one mind